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Looking after ourselves

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Hello @eudemonism

 

I cannot possibly begin to know how difficult your struggles become...

I do know that I do not judge you...

 

I listen to my "family member" when he calls me for an hour at a time until the mobile phone is so hot that my ears feel like they are burning as I switch the phone from ear to ear...

I cannot help him in any way as he chooses to live in another state...feeling persecuted by friends ...other family members...government workers...

He is frightened for his life as well as for mine and those remaining in the family whom he still trusts...

He does not like me talking...occasionally I ask if he has someone close by with whom he feels safe....can he go to them...at the moment he is listening to this idea...

 

It breaks my heart Eude...he is on no medication...his voices and hallucinations are his real life for him...

So I continue to listen ...sometimes he lets me tell him that I love him no matter what...that nothing will change that...other times he is angry at the mention of the word love...

 

I still listen...I want him to know that somebody...one person in this world is listening to him...

 

I try to listen to you....I don't honestly know what to say to you at times....I do know that you are angry at the moment...

Please don't be angry with me though...

 

I am trying to listen to you and be your friend not judge you...

It is up to you how you choose to react to this response...

 

I do not see you as being needy or desperate at all....I see you as a person who is hurting...

I do not like to see that in anyone....I hurt so much myself ...

 

Whatever you decide....please do not stop believing in yourself...

Take care

Sophia

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

I'm probably not that much different than your son @Sophia1 When not taking my medicine. Although in a very different way...

For every trauma I've experienced, I've wanted someone or something to blame, and there's been a few... They had different scenarios and impacts on me (all negative.)

 

I mourn what my life was before these traumas, and what my life could of been (if they had not happened)

 

Then I'm trying to find closure to the actual incident, and find resolution, so I can move on with life, but truth be known, they impacted me in a very negative way, (that could not be reversed) and my psychical, mental and emotional wellbeing suffered greatly as a result.

 

It couldn't be undone and the ripple effect manifested into mental illness and symptoms, which I've suffered for greatly, and have had no other choice but to accept and move on from - as best I could.

 

Each day is indeed a battle. But fortunately I think I'm making progress everyday. Thanks too a myriad of people who have helped, supported and stuck with me - through thick and thin. 

Eude thinks you're amazing 

😆💗🐕🐈🐠🌈🍃🌚

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Hi @Mulgajane & @utopia u hope all is well for both parties you...

I resent that I'm feeling being pulled in two different directions. I resent that I'm sometimes not able to make a quick, wise and discerning decision for myself - which is based around my own wellbeing. - because I'm procrastinating, hesitating and delaying because of outside influences.

I resent that I'm... Putting simple, practical, logical, rational and plausible ideas to the side, because I don't feel I have the confidence to follow through with them, and I question, doubt, deny delay or be skeptical about my idea. Which leads to pent up energy... Which leads to being lead astray bye others - which I greatly resent again...

I resent that I'm not more sure and certain of what is right to do for myself... Because I'm trying to put others first - which just don't work.

Eude.

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

@eudemonism

Putting other peoples needs before our own needs doesn't work in our favor.  Bit it can become such a normal thing to do overtime,  that we forget to put ourselves first. 

I did a self compassion group in hospital yesterday and I struggled so badly. Yes I van show compassion to others.  But myself  - I don't deserve it.

Could that be part of why you have a blockage with knowing what's best for you?  Would it help if you imagined you were giving advice to someone else & then do that?

 

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Hello @eudemonism

 

Yes you have had huge trauma in your life...impacting your life considerably...

I think that your words stating that you now accept what has happened...speak realms about where you are in your own self discovery...

You also stated that you are moving on from all of this as best you can...

well said...you express that so well...you are not dismissing all that you have been through...you are acknowledging all of the pain...trauma...sorrow...long term effects....

this ..I believe will help you in moving forward....yes it will always be with you...how you allow it to affect you is what you are working on now...gradually the traumas will move to the background of your mind..

 

you and I are at very similar paths...

 

I am much older than you...despite this...I am open to change...new beginnings...ongoing self discovery...

the traumas will always be with me...they do not have to be foremost in my mind though...

 

my "family member" will have his special place still...where I carry him in my heart....I will never let go of him...I will continue to strive to hope for him a better quality of life...one that he chooses...

I still need to think about my own needs first and foremost....this is not selfishness as I have always believed when younger..

putting others first all of the time was selflessness..

.this is about being caring and considerate...empathic...loving....gentle with myself...treating myself the way I treat others...

holding back some of that care for me....building my sense of being on this planet...

 

I have tried to explain this from my own point of view with my own experience of self...

this may or may not be the case with you..

these are only ideas Eude...no judgement...

speak soon

Sophia

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Hello @utopia

 

You are in hospital.....a safe place for you...where you have care...an opportunity to release emotion where you do not have to worry about anyone else...

I hope that you continue to care for yourself...a you so aptly said...we are often so busy helping others...we do not even think of helping ourselves...

take careCat HappyHeart

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

This is a very insightful piece of writing, and is followed bye some great questions @utopia

Yes it could be and yes I'll try that... I'm suffering (like we all are) and I deserve compassion as others also do... First deal with myself compassionately and then next deal with others compassionately...

If you've got anything you want to talk about I'm more then happy to listen...

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

@Sophia1 very wise and discerning words...

I genuinely feel for your situation with your family member...

When I was really unwell - in a state of loathing, despair and anguish... I really had to think about who I could reach out too... And basically pleaded with them in a sorrowful and remorseful way... Which was my mother at the time - I will never forget what her reply was 'we love you' or something along those lines...

It gave me hope of salvaging one of the most important relationships in my life... Which was with mum...

I hurt lots of people when I was unwell and in the process of growing up. And God didn't let me get away with anything...

There is always hope - never give up on hope...

Eude

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Thank you @Sophia1 @eudemonism

Self compassion is something I can't even start focusing on at the moment. 

My negative self talk is so loud and constant - all consuming. 

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

@utopia yea I went through years of negative self talk. I've found validation from a friend helps. I've also found drugs and alcohol don't help. Eude.
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