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Looking after ourselves

Sweet_cheeks
Senior Contributor

My disabled son is schizophrenic i have bipolar disorder and am finding him hard to deal with

HI,  

I feel terrible guilt about my son. I have really neglected him and not taken charge of his life. I am trying to do that now. He goes to a disability place. I've tried to organise his NDIS> I find it terribly confusing. I am getting him involved in a running group music group things like that. But its late in the peace. I've been a drunk, selfish all that sort of thing. I find him annoying sometimes and have yelled at him when he leaves the house and night yelling to himself. The police brought him back and he was arrested last year. I've stopped drinking and I'm trying to sort everything out. I have bipolar which is no excuse  but there were times when they were growing up where I literally lost my mind. I heard scary voices when my youngest was a newborn and I would have to take him and leave the house and just try and go places where people were normal. I couldn't tell anybody what was going on and I started having complex partial seizures where i would hallucinate seeing monsters at the same time. I told my husband he said go see a psychiatrist. I laughed at him and ended up in hospital having no memory of how I got there manic as anything. My son was 5 when all this was happening and he had just started school. He is a twin and they told me he would have to go to special school around this time when I was in a very dark place. I saw the school and I thought no way and i kept him main stream school. I was in denial and he was bullied and has had a terrible time. It was really bad judgement. I was always concerned about keeping the twins equal getting equal time and all that. It's crazy when I look back. I should have split them up. The other one who is very gifted was effected too because when kids bullied his brother and called him mean names( he beat them up and got the name of a bully. It held him back by association and he's had his problems too. I have  4 kids. The other two are remarkably fine. I wanted and did not want my kids if that makes sense. I love them very much but i find them overwhelming and I am selfish too. Lack of sleep and all that makes baby time horrible for me I like children when they are older. Sorry long post. I feel really socially isolated. I don't want to burden friends with my troubles and I can't really talk to family. My husband is great but he is at the coal face. I'm really struggling. I feel in a dark place.

1 REPLY 1

Re: My disabled son is schizophrenic i have bipolar disorder and am finding him hard to deal with

Hi @Sweet_cheeks

 

Welcome to the forum - I'm sorry to read about how tough it has been with your own mental health journey as well as supporting your children. We have a few parents here and there is a great thread called The Virtual Village- a space for parenting stuff

 

Do you seek any support like a counsellor or anything when looking after your wellbeing and recovery?

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