Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Lily]

Hi,
I really need someone to talk to about what I'm going through, I can't really talk to my friends shot this because I don't want people knowing our business. my husband has recently become mentally ill, about a year ago, I don't know if he has been diagnosed with a particular disorder, he told me he hasn't, but he is on anti psychotics after a month long psychosis about a year ago. It was brought on by a combination of stress from work, family life(stress from me and the children) and drug use.
It was so scary because the focus of his psychosis was that he was fixated on his untrue beliefs that I had been unfaithful to him, and he was hell bent on finding proof of that, and it seemed everything I said or did or any innocent item in our home or in my computer or phone was proof to him. He also thought there was tiny cameras everywhere, his phone being hacked(by me I think is what he thought), someone taking his things, things of that nature. he said it felt like some one was tying to steal his life.
I love my husband so much and he was a wonderful understanding lovely calm person, very open minded and understanding, my best friend, the most handsome man in the world and I would never want another.
Once he was put on meds things got better for a few months, and then he started to get paranoid again.
It makes me so uncomfortable and defensive and mad and scared. And I think my reaction to his sometimes small signs that he's thinking paranoid thoughts about me, I think it drives him to become worse somehow, like my reaction makes him think I'm guilty.
There's are so many bizarre things he has put me through in this last year that I can't even keep track.
I'm so sad because I thought I had my husband back, but now he seems to have gone again and this paranoid illogical scary man has replaced him.
It's heartbreaking to be losing my husband and my marriage and the children losing their father over this.
But I can't take any more of his harassment, and I need to be able to function to be able to take care of our children.
I would love to hear from anyone that's been through this and had any advice on how to deal with him without making him feel like I'm his enemy.
Thank you for reading this.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Lily,

It sounds heartbreaking to feel like you've lost your husband to mental illness. Remember though, that he can recover. From the sounds of, this is relatively new in the relationship, meaning that this seems to be his second episode - is that right?

Over time, couples can work together to develop strategies to stay well and to manage through crisis. This planning usually happen when they are in a period of wellness again. You mentioned that you were unsure if he was diagnosed but is on anti-psychotics? Can you tell me more about this? Is he currently receiving any treatment or support from a health professional? It might be helpful to get in contact with them to let them know what's happening. They might not be able to disclose information without your husband's consent, but they can take note of what you report. 

Another thing to consider, is to get involved in his treatments. Perhaps when he is well again you can make plans together to enable this. 

There's a few members that you might want to connect with on here. @Emmelle cares for someone who has paranoid personality disorder, who seems to have some similar symptoms to your husband. She's written about it here. I wonder if she'd like share some of her experiences here. Also, there the 'Wives Caring for Husbands thread, which you might want to join in on. I wonder if some of the recent contributors, @Former-Member @Shaz51 and @Violet could share some thoughts? How do you support your partner?

CherryBomb

[Lily]

Hi CherryBomb,
Yes this is new to us, it happened about a year ago, he's has 4 episodes, one major, I wouldnt say he's psychotic at the moment, but he's just thinking bad things about me cheating that don't make sense(even saying our kids aren't his, which is impossible, and there is just no logical reasoning in his mind) and he seems like he can't concentrate properly, asks the same questions repeatedly, hearing things that aren't there it seems.

About his meds, that's all I know. I will ask him if I can attend his next psychiatrist appointment.

I will take your advice and contact the mental health clinic tomorrow.

Thanks so much for your reply and I will definitely check out those links.

Lily.

[Shaz51]

Hello @Lily, @CherryBomb

My husband wants me to go to the meeting with him as he forgets things,  now they want to decrease his one of his medications , there is pros and cons about doing this

[Attahua]

I completely understand where you are coming from! My partner of six years has schizoeffective disorder and in the past six years he has had two major episodes which have landed him with a one way flight to the pysch ward....we live five hours drive from the hospital. Prior to me bring on the scene he was in hospital annually ....his stays have been up to six months....I was finally starting to feel less on edge as we are now going on three years without a hospitalisation but this past week has been quite awful and I fear he is becoming unwell again. I have a teen daughter in year 11 and I teach full time so am quite exhausted already but I am fearing the worst and my gut tells me this is not going to go well as he is becoming a little paranoid, beginning to say quite inappropriate things ( things he would not normally say) gets very defensive if I question him and is becoming secretive.......I recognise these signs from previous experiences and rang his caseworker yesterday ( caseworker is filling in and doesn't know my partner) ...he tells me he will ring him but I know it will be pointless as my partner at this stage can also hold a normal conversation.....his family are interstate and have spoken to him at my request and all say he sounds fine........but designing an engine that will run on water is not fine and is something he tried to do the last time he ended up in hospital. Like you I don't want to talk about it with friends as it is our business and also I  have found in the past that unless they have been thru this type of trauma themselves some find it very difficult to comprehend. At this point in time I have been able to shield my daughter from this as she spends most nights in her room studying or at work or netball training but if we don't get help soon it will end as it always has with my partner disappearing in the bush lands, the police being called to search and then him being detained in the emergency ward with chemical and physical restraints until the RFD can collect him!!! I have calmly tried to tell my partner I feel that he is 'slipping' but of course those conversations are pointless as he is the last person to notice and he has told me in the past he quite enjoys his psychotic episodes when he believes he can change the world, has the world's issues in his head and endless money to spend....all fanciful but all I can do now is prepare for the worst .... I go into ' damage control' mode....as soon as he has the actual episode I need to transfer our money to an account he cannot access, hide his wallet and phone.......sounds awful but it has to be done....for now I will just keep things as calm as possible, talk with him about everyday things to keep him in touch with reality and see what happens next!!! I do know exactly how you are feeling!!!! Take care x

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Lily,

Thought I'd check in to see how things are with your husband? More importantly, how are you?

@Attahua husband's has just been admitted to hospital, which you can read about here. 

[Shaz51]

Hello @Lily, have been thinking of you today , How are you today ??

Hello @CherryBomb, @Attahua

[Lily]

Hi attahua, shaz51 and CherryBomb,

Thanks for asking about me, I am doing quite well, and so is my husband at the moment. We are still living separately with no plans for that to change. I am focusing on my own inner and outer peace. My husband admitted he has been using drugs quite regularly, it seems to me the drugs are bringing on the psychotic and paranoid thoughts for him. He is in the process of seeking help for his drug problem and I'm hoping that will in turn help his mental illness.

Attahua thanks for sharing your situation with your husband, it must be frustrating when you have reached out for help from his case worker and family and they believe he is fine, when you really know because you know him best. Your husband is fortunate to have you looking out for him and that you have a plan to minimise the potential damage. I hope he is getting the help he needs.

[Lily]

Hi, <br>My husband went psychotic again after taking ice. (Turns out this seems to be the cause of all his problems) he was in a bad way and hearing voices, and he took a whole pack of prescription pills. An ambulance took him to the ED he was there about 24 hrs, then a psych team assessed him as OK to be discharged. I'm sorry he's going through this hell, I try to tell him how much I love him and need him. He's paranoid and Hearing voices telling him awful things, tried to commit suicide, but the doctors say he's fine? Just because he presents quite normally(ie not attacking anyone or being aggressive)he never gets any help. I feel guilty because we had an argument which I think upset him and he turned to drugs. <br>He wants to go into drug detox and rehab, and has been doing all the right things, he has to attend several meetings a week and call every day, we were told last week they had a bed for him but now they don't, I'm afraid he will never make it. I don't want to lose him our family would be lost without him. I'm going to sign up for private Health ASAP so he can get some decent help soon rather than continually getting told he's basically not crazy enough. I know we're fortunate he is not as bad as others and I hope that the mental illness goes away when the drugs do. But our whole families lives have been turned upside down, he was the breadwinner and now we have no idea what the future holds without him.

[Shaz51]

sending you hugs my friend @Lily

how are you today ??