27-12-2017 09:54 PM
31-12-2017 02:35 AM
Hi @Anna88 ....and welcome to the forums.
I don’t have a more structured answer for you than this - depression is an altered and dysfunctional way of operating, and under the effects of depression people can do things that appear to be out of character or without their usual sensibility.
My son is undergoing counselling for depression, amongst other things, and I have heard the counsellor ask him, “What is Depression telling you to do ? It’s telling you to stay in bed, in a darkened room, and sleep all day. What do you need to do in life to achieve your goals ?First of all, set some goals, even if they are small to start with, then, get out of bed, open the blinds, stay awake, and step out towards your goals. In other words, whatever Depressioin is whispering in your ear, stand defiantly and do the opposite.”
This tells you / me that Depression has a controlling and disabling effect on the mind. To end the relationship when it wasn’t what he wanted to do in a rational state of mind meant that he was listening to the voice of Depression in the moment, and that voice is geared to undoing his life .... shutting it down ....
Being in a close relationship with him. It will be important for you to learn and understand the nature of his illness, and how to empower yourself in a carer role, and it’s not easy.
Keep Chatting here, and we will teach you what we know, and walk along with you on your journey.
31-12-2017 11:47 AM
31-12-2017 09:16 PM
Hi @Anna88 (@ symbol “tags” you to the post)
I think if you want to earn and keep his trust, you need to stand back out of respect for his wishes.
My son who is battling mh issues at the moment has reduced everyth8ng to baby steps, and really can’t cope with multi-tasking or sensory overload at the moment. If he is asking to you press the pause button on catching up, then that is likely what he is trying to tell you. He needs to focus all his attention on his inner world and treatment at the moment.
01-01-2018 12:09 AM
This is a tricky situation and very difficult to discern and respond to with so little information. You must be feeling very hurt and distressed. I hope you are receiving support. Was there any type of relationship problems leading up to the breakup? Or was everything happy and good until 6 weeks ago? That would answer quite abit.
Its true that depression can see those afflicted push others away. Having suffered from it severely in the past myself for quite some time, and still battle with it periodically - I have struggled with friendships and relationships as my perception was out or I would withdraw into myself and stop nurturing them - but never would I leave someone I loved whomtreated me well because of it. I knew my feelings there and was quite rational in that area. And my husband and self would discuss it and worked it out. We are extremely close. If anything his support of me through my depressive and anxious episodes is what has brought us closer together.
The only way you will know for sure what your partner's true intentions are is to step back and wait and see what your boyfriend does - to learn whether he wants his freedom and can't bring himself to tell you this fearing your hurt - or whether he wants to rekindle a relationship when feeling better. And whether you are willingly to take a risk of rekindling a relationship where you did not have a say and the scenario could happen again. Your mental health, feelings and well being is equally as important as your partners. All the best
01-01-2018 12:44 AM
01-01-2018 09:18 AM
01-01-2018 02:02 PM
02-01-2018 05:10 AM
02-01-2018 02:31 PM
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