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Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hello @Former-Member

Have to disagree with Neil Young on that one.....

You have no space to breathe there.....

Has your father been assessed by Acat  as in needing 24 hour care?  Or can he still do somethings for himself?

I think that you said the doctor would write a letter supporting you as your dad's doctor?  This would help your case..

I don't want to comment on your brothers as I am confused between the 3 ..I remember 2 had schizophrenia....which complicates reality and truth...very difficult situation for you to be in...

I am concerned for your safety...emotionally you are on overload....I ended up there...possible cause of my tumour which is rare apparently...I thought that I had to keep on pushing on..

all states in Australia are in debt..

there has to be more help available for you and dad ...you would be eligible for an advocate with your own mental health..

I feel for you very much..I have been stretched to the limits under different circumstances...

my  post op position is still in acute recovery stage up to 3 month mark then rehabilitation stage..check up with another Mir at 3 month stage then 6 months then 1 year then 3 years..

please know when to say " I have to look after myself now"

you have done so very much.....

I apologise for coming across too bluntly...sometimes someone has to put you first dear lapses 💜

 

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Thanks @Sophia1, I'd forgot/missed you had surgery, sounds like cancer scare. Thats hard. Yet here you are giving so much. One day at a time Sophia1 ❤
I don't have much to go home to anyway & I'm happier serving, even if it burns me out. I'm not good at "living for me" Nightmere memories back home, & here, but this way i'm helping someone i care about. I get breaks, dad is aware & rarely disorientated or agro or difficult. Cracks a lot of jokes & some word mixups are sweet lol. Fortunately for me (maybe not dad), the cowardly troublemakers do most their interferring remote (text, gossip... ), i no longer consider them family as such. Thats a hwlpful shift for me. They don't want to ibteract with me let alone help practically. I don't expect you or strangers to believe it, but i don't deserve that (not THAT bad a human being, though it makes me 'feels' i might be 😲 & that triggers SI so i go see a psychologist), but yeah, so far i'm ok'sh most days. Probably whinge too mych here on the bad stuff, cause i need too, but maybe shouldnt... I'll
try put in the good stuff too.
Dad can:
- walk around the house anytime
-
ooos, gotta go
Come back later

Thank you too @Faith-and-Hope, love your sunflower, your shine 🙂

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

 @Former-Member

I am sorry to have had to delve with questions re your situation with dad..

I know that we are meant to read back over the posts....sometimes that is too hard to get all of the facts...

I was concerned that your father might have been at the stage where he needed help 24 hours and that you were struggling still..

my sister got to that stage with mum....she was frightened that she could not manage financially without carers pension as was not at pension age...mum finally made decision herself to go into nursing home as she was concerned for sister's health...many operations over 7 year period....continually ill...not recovering before coming down with something else...also grieving loss of her partner 7 years ago...mum assessed as needing 24 hour care..so all went ahead...I was aware that would be the case ...was not allowed to offer help or respite....definitely carer burnout..

hence with my own situation more than likely as a result of stress from grief...I wanted to check on you..

Not the same situation...your dad joking...lovely for the both of you to share....a break for you also from where you have memories in other home...

As far as others believing what you are saying...For me there is no question of a doubt regarding the stress and pressure you are under even with him not needing 24 hour care....

You are under extreme stress...lapses...I don't believe that anybody is thinking that at all..

Apologies If that is how I  came across...

Thinking that you are a bad person is an awful state of mind to be in...How on earth could you possibly be bad?? Your family have treated you appallingly from what I read from others....That is their issues ..

That is not a reflection on you...I am sure that your psychologist is reinforcing this fact...

As for whinging...I have not read any evidence of whinging...

I have read posts that I read with relief that you are venting...airing all of that self doubt...releasing some of so much pent up emotion inside...

Please don't stop venting....if you want to call it whinging....whinge away...you have more than every right and need to..

Above all....start looking at all of the good in you...you are an incredibly compassionate...loving family member...

I know that your dad knows that...he would certainly not be able to joke given everything happening around him with other siblings if you were not there for him..

Read back what Dec has written to you... Faith has written...countless others too..

Lapses is a very kindhearted ...loving...compassionate person who must start liking herself...loving herself...stop judging herself....separating herself from the bitterness seeping through from other family members...

How do I know this...I am trying very hard to do the same lapses...I dont have as much bitterness as you have...I do have judgement from families on my side and husband's side...

I shall leave you in peace...

Heart

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member
You mentioned about supports. Have you been in touch with Carers Australia?

https://www.carersnsw.org.au

The carer gateway may also be helpful.

https://www.carergateway.gov.au/guided-search

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Gets hard when ya have to get up through the night (broken sleep) then at it all day, well not really but worriedd cause 'something's not right' with them, accident waiting to happen...  Cant seem to get a handle on what next.  Sounds like neurosis. I donno.  Glad to turn the light off on today... 

__________

 

Dad was sitting in the mottled sun on the veranda, normally he only does it for 20-30min but yesterday he stayed out there for 3hrs. Had morning tea there at 1030 then i took out lunch @1pm. In between i was doing my journellling & DEATH thoughts crepe in.

 

"what if he's died out there?"

 

How streasful that would be & what would i do?

- walk away & have a coffee?

- jumping on his chest like i did my girl? (cauldn't handle that again)

- call the undertaker ?

- the police?

- the ambulance?

- lifeline lol

 

Then after they cart him away, like my girl... do i follow?

 

- do i call for help for me? But who? My family, all of them just make everything harder. Maybe I should just go through the motions & tell them all once the funeral is organised. All that bitchy stress with mum's funeral Januaey - it was just horrible. Craaaaaaazy stuff!

 

- after I've organised the funeral to function without me, can i just go and 'let the dead bury the dead'? Then what?

 

That's when the thought & fear came strong: "just k-i-l-l yourself, right here on the couch. Make a statement they'll never forget. Besides, what have you got waiting back home? Your let je is over. Nobody wants or needs you anymore... besides, look at the physical pain you alao suffer - thats juat gunna get worse you know..." 

 

Before I know it - dark dark thoughts & planning...

 

And...   if i just get in dad's car alone and drive 1200km to an empty house... not good Smiley Sad Or maybe i can grab a cheap tour and travel with the money mum left me. Let the vultures do whatever it is they had planned without me...

 

You know, all their carryon to be dads guardian,,, they couldn't even visit on his birthday or come to the RSL with us that night or the next day when i met bro1 only 10min from sis for lunch. Pathetic!

 

Dad's gerentologist has advised me to apply to be dad's legal guardian / poa but i am lacking confidence. Even thoygh i'm doing everything... I donno

- what if i don't cope?

- and dors someone with suicidal thoughts... should we do it alone. I want joint guardiaship with someone reasonable, not fighting all the time... who? This is crazy - x5 siblings and not one of us are well.

 

Outlander said:

"Lapses its hard to watch those we love suffer and deteriorate and feeling isolated and alone can make it much worse too. You might be alone physically but you have all of us here ❤"

 

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member 💕 💕
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

My friend up north, whi watches my property, just rang to say she's "sick of it" i said "what - watering my plants?" i asked. She said "all of it" Your siblings...
I became overwhellmed, hung up & been crying since 😭 like a baby. "we need to have this conversation" she text back, but what... I can't be in two places at once and... do they expect me to leave my dad to save some plants? Shes nor the only one who thinks i should go home. Honestly, whats wrong with ppl? esp friends? 😭 whats wrong with me 😞

She was in in one of her moods, said shes sick of it - ALL OF IT 😞 Something about having to do the 10min extra drive after work... Guess shes not 'getting'anything out of it. She started off wanting to know what my plans are (which of cause i dont know, dad & nursing home... ) then pow! "well i'm gonna throw a spannee in the works" she said. "ya gonna have to pay a neighbour to do it or something" ... ...

Only the last fn she had me hire a professional gardener to do a cleanup because she got seeds in her geans doing the watering.  Just got the bill $250+ 

This is my church support friend. Im butting my tithe elsewhere mow.  

I donno, just hurt, i cant be there & here.

Next month things will be defined for me. The Lord told me this month ago 'June' Interesting to see how.  

Just emotional i guess,  that time of year.  @Owlunar understands. 

 

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Depression Dementia Dad


0400 woke to a bad nightmare, on a train - felt it ran over 😖 so real,  everyone crying.. Something playing out  in the subconscious.  

IMG_20180530_121608.png

 

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Sounds like fears surfacing @Former-Member ..... not that I am an expert ..... just what it sounds like to me.

Hugs ❣️
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Maybe 

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope ❤

Have enough anxiety.  It was two older boys re train,  skylarkin,  i donno. 

Dads really sleepy today. Not himself.  Betta check his bsl & maybe grab some lunch.  I'm tired. 

Wheres @ Dec

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