Lived Experience Forum

[saltandpepper]

Nah it's all good @TAB I just try and hold off as much as I can. But yeah, fu*k. Craving it now. Veeeery badly. Ok, I'm just gonna go have one

[TAB]

I stopped two and a half years ago @saltandpepper  sorry if led you down the garden path

[Flying_Hams]

You basically go through periods of your past and make sense of them. I have started it. I am currently working on early childhood.

https://www.selfauthoring.com/

[saltandpepper]

Nah my choice @TAB 

Stopped for a while there too--for the most part. Since it was a deal breaker with my ex. Now I guess I'm a bit looser with it since I don't have to hide it anymore. I still try really hard to smoke as little as possible. Some days that's easier than others. Some days I also just don't care

[TAB]

okay fair enough @saltandpepper 

[saltandpepper]

Ahkay, how have you found it all so far @Flying_Hams? Do you do this with other people or just writing stuff out solo? What do you do after you've written it all out?

I can definitely see the benefits of it all, putting things from my head to paper is a goal I want to work towards. I find it a bit too confronting at the moment.

I used to do a lot of fiction writing. Was a way of coping. Writing out what was happening but through a fictional character so it didn't hit too close to home. I didn't actually realise that's what I'd been doing. Wasn't until a conversation I had with my brother (a couple of years ago now) where he basically reiterated one of my stories word-for-word--except it was a memory, it was real, I just don't conciously remember it happening. It's confusing. Some things I've written in the past I can look at now and see I was clearly writing about myself. But yeah, the last story I wrote was also the most graphic and violent of them all. Almost couldn't believe the conversation I had with my brother really. I still can't. I wrote about something from early childhood that I have no memory of, but it must still be in there somewhere to come out in a story like that.

That experience shook me a bit, I haven't been able to write anything since.

If you ever wanna talk about anything or share what you've written, I'm here

[Appleblossom]

@saltandpepper 

It was a beautiful story about the girl sharing food, showing there is good in the world.  Things must have been very harsh at home.  My parents were preoccupied but not violent.

It is weird but validating to have shared experiences with your brother and to be able to reflect on them.

I was not a foodie girl when I was young.  I was bookish.  Last month I was with a gf I had shared living quarters with at 16, and she remembered we did not shop. She was a drinker I was not.  I left home at 16 but only started going to the supermarket when I was 20.  God only knows what I ate in those years. I worked a lot in hospitality and so ate there and took home leftovers. I remember a Greek boss in coffee shop who would pack up slabs of lamb that was not used at end of the night, and I would  hoe into that if there was some for me.  I did not have much takeaway for me as such.  Was smoking a lot of things with drum, champion or .... Remember thinking only straight people went to supermarkets and that was not a good thing ???? buying into whole money mad world ...lol  Mostly I lived like food was not a thing, pecked a bit here and there, until I was 23, started uni, and decided to go to Vic market and get vegies every week.  I did not buy soft drink until I figured it would be neglect if I did not give some to my kids ....lol.... then made it a thing for parties but not weekly shop. I really lived on the smell of an oily rag .... ie I did ride a motor bike to get around.  Priorities.

When I joined this forum I was keen to get food and drink conversations into the mix and not just talk about meds and symptoms. So maybe I have finally grown up!

[saltandpepper]

Yeah @Appleblossom not gonna lie, high school years were tough to pull through. I was fortunate to have some good mates back then--did a lot of house hopping and avoided being home whenever I could. When I couldn't stay at a mates place, I'd go anywhere just to avoid being at home. Spent a lot of time at an abandoned warehouse skating, or at the arcade in the bowling alley, there were times when I'd walk to a random part of the neighbourhood and just sit on the nature strip listening to music or reading a book. I'm bookish too when I have brain power for it. Very difficult times.

Yeah it's definitely a good thing, my brother and I have always been close. Shared horrors bring people closer together I guess. Don't think I'd have made it this far if it weren't for him to be honest.

Yeah I mean I dunno that anyone is great at the grocery thing when they first move out. I was the same with my mates. We'd prefer to spend our cash on goon and party supplies. That was always the priority haha.

We all get there eventually hey? Figure it out in the end. I say that, but I haven't actually done a grocery shop for a few weeks now. Even resorted to drinking out of date milk because I just can't manage to do it right now. Meh.

Thanks for sharing with me @Appleblossom always good to chat

[Flying_Hams]

I have found it really interesting

It takes time and patience because I go back and try to understand things.

You do it solo and then you re engage with it.

Thanks my friend. This forum is a great way to share and engage too I must say.

[Appleblossom]

Heya @Flying_Hams 

@saltandpepper 

Its a credit to survive some childhoods.  Our generations are different as not many people were into skating when I was a teen ...  it was more Ice skating lol.

I have often felt not well enough to go food shopping in last 20 years, but found cashier therapy helpful.  No matter what had happened or how mad I felt, the same ladies were in the same little supermarket. I like my local cos it is not one of the big guys, and honestly, 4 ladies have been there for 20 years ...WOW!    Last week I went to a big plaza and had a good random convo with young fella at checkout.  I crack dreadful checkout chic jokes ....lol