Lived Experience Forum

[sas32]

Hello everybody. I thought I would make a post, instead of just trawling the forums.

I'm a 26 yr old Male and recently I have to come to suspect, that I have bipolar. I did alot of lsd and weed as a young fella. Around the age of 14 to 19. I practically left home around 14. Mum moved away , she was a junkie and it was just my father and I. He has had major depressive disorder for as long as I can remember. He is old now, in his 70s. I had drug induced psychosis from lsd around the age of 18. Lasted i think around 2 months. Then I just came out of it. No medical  intervention or medication. I then fell into a 2 yr deep depression. I then scored a job around late 20 and I felt somewhat happy for the first time in my life. I meet a girl and we moved in for 4 years. We broke up around 6 months ago and looking back. I was in a manic state. Not psychosis , just very elevated happiness, endless energy, irritable and have extreme self ego. I ended up going thru 3 jobs. I couldnt be told I was wrong. In the last 2 weeks, I have entered a depressive state. I need to go to the doctors and get a diagnosis. The last 2 days , I have had extreme extreme anxiety and huge fluctuations in mood. Feeling despair and suicidal thoughts and then just breaking down in tears , upto like 20 times  a day.  this is not "normal" depression. I've had that before. This is depression on steroids. I'm having huge difficulties concentrating and have near no energy. Only reason I'm working is, I have fair bit of debt. I'm trying hard and feel that I'm slipping away. I'm trying not to break down crying as I type this.

Sorry for the long story.  I just had to get it off my chest. I really like this community and reading all the forums. Makes me feel , not alone.

[Hamsolo01]

hey @sas32

thanks for sharing your story. I am a 25yo male and I have depression and anxiety.

I have been in a foul state the past week or so. My story isn't much like yours - but then again whose is. We all have our own journeys with mental health. I had a minor break down the other night and a bit of a panic attack as well. This meant I had to postpone/cancel some overseas plans - not that they were actually concrete, more like very vague anyway. So it was for the best.

Your experiences are definitely similar to many people here.

I hope you find the forums helpful. If you want I can tag you on my own thread. All good if you want don't want to though. No obligation.

Have you seen a professional?

[sas32]

Thanks for the reply man. Yes please,  tag me in your thread. I'll keep active on here and share as much as I can. Bless you and everyone else here.

[Appleblossom]

Hi @sas32 

I have a few similar life experiences, but some different.  

No need to apologise for your post. It was pretty short really.

It sounds like you had trauma on steroids too.

You deserve to get good care, psychological and psychiatric.  Any gp should be able to set you up with both.  Getting a diagnosis is only part of the journey.  I spent about 40 years researching and checking my possible diagnosis.  Still walking the path of uncertainty.  A guy that barely knew me said I might have Bipolar mixed state ... he might be right ... but the pdocs look out at the world through their training ....

[frog]

Hi @sas32 sorry it's so tough for you right now. I think @Appleblossom is spot on re getting some medical & psychological support in place. It's important to find people you're comfortable with, which can take time. Good GP is the first step.

I have Bipolar 1. It's bloody hard work. I was misdiagnosed at 15 and struggled on for 30 years before getting the right help. So I'm almost twice your age. After all that time I had trouble coming to terms with the Bipolar 1 label but ultimately it has helped me make sense of my life and get on with it.

Welcome to the forum! It's been wonderful for me to find acceptance and understanding here. Hope it's the same for you. Take care,

[sas32]

Thank you for your reply.

15 to 30 to get a correct prognosis.. wow

Yes I went to the emergency yesterday, because I was really on an emotional rollercoaster. Just sad to suicidal , like every couple mins. Breaking down crying and then 10 secs later sad again. But I was there for 6 hours and didnt even get seen. Had to go back home for sleep for work. Feel abit better now. Still emotional but not crying.

I dont want to admit that I have bipolar because it will be a life long condition. That scares me alot. I hope it was just a temporary mania that I went thru, because all the stress and relationship breakdown. I need to go find a GPS, because it is ieffecting my work.

Thank you for your reply.

How was medication helped you?

i

[Lauz]

Hi @sas32 

Just wanted to drop in and say welcome to the forums, looks lik you have some great peer support happening here which is lovely to see!

I am so sorry to hear you had a rough night, it's good that you got yourself to emergency but so so frustrating to hear that they didn't help you. 

Sounds like you are doing a bit better today but wanted to give you some helpful phone numbers you can call if you feel those suicidal feelings again

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Samaritans: 135 247

Keep reaching out and connecting here - you are brave and strong for sharing your story and finding supports 😊

[sas32]

Thank you very much for your reply  I had the worse 3 days of my life. Just was a total mess. Crying, guilty, distraught and such. Ive gone back to feeling like my normal self. Sp after feeling really good and high for a solid couple months and then went to baseline for month or so and then I went into a depressive state for 4 days. I truly hope I dont have bipolar, I might but I might not. I'm going to go see the doctor still and get checked out.

Thank you for you reply.