Our stories
@CheerBear, yes, very complicated relationship with dad, including memories of physical abuse, neglect and abandonment, witnessing violence regularly in the home between him and mum, his alcoholism and gambling addictions, as well as a huge amount of love between us. I believe he had bipolar too, though undiagnosed and therefore untreated (poor man), and I relate to a lot of what I witnessed of his internal life. Big subject, which is why this post is taking a while to write.
In the end though, he was so vulnerable in his illness that I couldn't blame him for anything at that time. He actually said 'sorry' to me on his deathbed. I told him he had nothing to be sorry about. A strange thing to say in response, but at that moment, as he was facing death, it seemed to be the truth.
Hope this is not too heavy for you at the moment. Hugs and love for it all. 
Sorry for the long time in replying, @CheerBear. Got stuck in the bathroom, damn crohns.
This time you are going through does bring up many feelings. The more the love ones come to the fore, the better for us, in my experience. Sounds like a beautiful moment you had with your person, the dissolving into compassiona and love.
My crohns plays up in that bathroom way pretty much every day, @CheerBear. I'm free of the extreme pain I was in when I was younger though, which is another blessing.
The chat wasn't too heavy for me by any means, @CheerBear. In fact, talking with you in these early mornings is often a great grounding start to my day. I don't feel so scattered in my thoughts now. Appreciation of you runs very high in my mind too, CB, and I so value our friendship. Hope your day brings many good feelings.
Mazy @Mazarita
As I read your post I could nearly feel you taking a step down. I'm so sorry it came to that. Though I don't think you should take all the blame upon yourself, your friend asked for your help months ago & yet didn't give you any information or instructions until only weeks were left. The fact that you refer to them as a friend makes me think they know you a little as you seem to know them a little & the fact that lack of communication is a bit of a norm for them. I wonder whether the promise of dollars & cents, & creative recognition, were a compensation for knowing how much pressure they were putting on you? I'm reading between the lines, but I'm guessing your friend has brain process problems of their own. I think what has happened is just consequences of both your actions, neither good nor bad, just the way things went. You could even see it at a postive thing, next time your friend wants your help they may remember to communicate a bit more with you. I think you've done well, recognizing your limitations & admitting them, is an extremely difficult thing to do. Your friend now has time to compensate, so you have not failed - you've done the right thing
@ethYour news gave me an explosion of tingles, starting in my chest & spreading out to the very tips of my fingers & toes, it even made my head dizzy 🙂 Getting a name makes a Grandbaby feel more real & I imagine having the curtain of privacy lifted makes you feel like you've gotten your family back . . . only it's bigger & better 🙂 Goodness, it actually feels more exciting to me than knowing bub was born 🙂 CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
@Mazarita Sorry you pulled out of the video making, but hope you are still on the list for future possiblities. I like your mantra a lot too. I am more than my thoughts. I will let my spirit guide me ... is powerful as it unites mind and soul in an open and empowering way. Leanrning to dialogue with my thoughts and not be frightened by them has been huge for me.
Hearing you about your last moments with your father and his saying "sorry" It does not deny the difficulties you all faced, but admits of the love and difficulties he faced. I did not get that with my dad, but know he would have, if he could have. I did get that with my 2nd brothers death. It is meaningful.
Damn about the crohns.
@CheerBear I know the difficulties of loving people and not wanting to get drawn into problem behaviours. You have so much going on.
@eth Sorry that worker did not do due process.
There is something very clear and articulate about the way you discuss your feelings and all the MH workers & NDIS stuff. Your style has really helped me. Sometimes I get "flooded" and it can become a jumbled mess in my head and then I have to patiently tease it all out again. I fell strongly this site can play a role in keeping the system honest.
Hey @Exoplanet @Shaz51 and ALL
