Forums Home

Lived Experience Forum

Acceptance, connection, support. Share the journey.

Safe, anonymous discussion for people living with mental illness, moderated 24/7 by mental health professionals.

Read the community guidelines
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Something’s not right

Contributor

Depression and Grieving

Hi,

I have depression and am also grieving the passing of my adult son. It’s only been 8 weeks but I’m not coping with these horrid thoughts. I’m also the mum and carer of a 15 yr with ASD and anxiety.

anyone else been in my shoes.

thanks

12 REPLIES

Re: Depression and Grieving

Hi @Shazz66

No, I haven't been in your shoes and hope I never am. I can't imagine how difficult it must be. 8 weeks? Still early days...she_loves_me_she_loves_me_not_514366.jpg

My sincere condolences my sweet... 

I hope you have someone at home to talk with and lean on? Again, I'm really sorry...

xHeart

 

 

 

Re: Depression and Grieving

Thank you for your heartfelt reply Hope4Me, I’m a single parent to my youngest.

My adult daughter lives in WA with her husband and son.

Support falls away as soon as the funeral as everyone goes back to their lives.

💔💔

Re: Depression and Grieving

Hi @Shazz66

I’m so sorry to read about your son. My condolences ❤️❤️

I cant even begin to imagine the pain you’re in. 

Sending you love and hugs 🤗 🤗❤️❤️

Re: Depression and Grieving

Thank you @BlueBay, I wish I could just get my head around it.😔

Re: Depression and Grieving

@Shazz66,

I’m so sorry for your loss.  I lost my son 12 years ago in a car accident, he had celebrated his 9th birthday only 2 weeks before.

Unfortunately, after the funeral ALL my friends completely wiped me.  I spent the next few years VERY alone with very little support.

My husband was the only other person in the vehicle, they were cleaned up by another driver that ran a give way sign on a rural road, so it was high impact.

I do have some idea how you feel, it’s terrible.   I’m sending big hugs and lots of love your way ❤️❤️❤️❤️

I have never really grieved for my son, I wasn’t really given the chance at the time, and that is impacting me now.

please take care if yourself, always happy to chat 

Re: Depression and Grieving

Hi @Shazz66 and @Razzle

 

You are not alone - there are a few people here who are bereaved parents - I am one of them - I lost my son to suicide well over 30 years ago and there are times when it still haunts me

 

Shazz - it takes a long time and 8 weeks is only a heart-beat - I am so sorry to read that you are going through that and I can only say that it gets easier with time but it takes a long time

 

Normal though - it is a terrible thing to have to live through. And there are no words to say that will help - only hugs which we can send through cyber-space in some ways. We do understand and everyone has different experiences with grief

 

But I know the dark days and long nights and the terrible mornings and going to bed really early to sleep hopefully - just to get away from it all only to wake again to another day

 

I remember the pain in my heart - I can tell you that the pain gets less but it takes time

 

How I wished for that time to pass

 

All I can say is that I hear you - I hear you both - life will never be the same and it is lonely - friends do drift off - and that is sad

 

Sending those cyber-hugs to both of you

 

Dec

Re: Depression and Grieving

@Razzle

Im sorry you have had to go through loosing a child, it just makes you so numb doesn’t it.

 

Thank you for reaching out.

🌹

Re: Depression and Grieving

@Dec

Thank you for the cyber hugs, it means a lot to me.

 

I know 8 weeks is early days but I’ve got no-one for support and feel as if I have to be strong for my 15 yr old, he has special needs and he bounces off my emotions.

 

I also know that I can’t grieve properly until we know the cause of his passing, waiting for the results painstaking as my heart feels it’s about to break at any time.

 

Thank you so much, cyber hugs back to you.

🌹

Re: Depression and Grieving

@Shazz66  Yes you do feel numb, you will feel a huge range of emotions.  I wasn’t able to show my grief, I had an 11 year old and a 6 year old that needed attention and some sense of normality.  My husband would get upset and feel guilty if he saw me upset so I couldn’t show any emotion in front of him.  My parents were falling to pieces, they had/have a huge presence in my kids lives and the loss was very hard for them, and I felt like I had to be strong for them.  

My friends completely dropped out of my life, pretending they didn’t see me in the street, walking into the supermarket aisle and then turning around and walking straight out of it when they saw me, pretending they hadn’t seen me at all.  Invitations to anything stopped completely.  It was an incredibly lonely time.  There was absolutely no support for me at all and I feel like I’ve never really grieved for my son, and I know that is having an impact on me now.

Physically I felt so uncomfortable for a long time.  The best way I can explain it is like waking up in the morning, taking off your pj’s that you’ve worn back to front all night, just to put your clothes on back to front and then at the end of the day taking these clothes off and

putting your pj’s back on back to front - I was never comfortable in my own skin.

It takes time but you will start to feel normal again - it won’t be the same normal as before, it will be a whole new normal.  You’ll never forget your child, and you’ll start to remember all the great things about them and not the awful event that took them away.  

I have 12years between now and my loss  but I still remember those first few days, weeks, months and years.  Time will move slowly at first and then you’ll wonder where all that time went.  Please take care of yourself and know there is support here, particularly if you don’t have it at home.  ❤️❤️

For urgent assistance, call: