Lived Experience Forum

[outlander]

I dont get angry very often but when it does come its like a bull ar a gate and takes out everything in its path.ive been told it can be part of bpd but everyone  gets angry..

Does anyone else get like this and how do you manage it?

[CheerBear]

Hey @outlander. Anger is one I feel lots. It feels like it sits under the surface for me and threatens to volcano out. I've probably always had some fire inside, but over the last year there's been many times when I've felt completely full of it and found it a struggle to manage.

I dont often explode with it but it feels like I need to constantly work not to and to contain an implode/explode kind of feeling. When I have lost control of it, I've put myself in situations that aren't great and said things and behaved in ways I later wish I hadn't

To try and manage it I work hard to get to know and understand my triggers as well as the warning signs that things are brewing. Being tired, short fused, 'snappy', stressed, feeling a bit more stretched than usual etc. seem to the types of things that are going on when I have struggled to manage my anger/temper. Those are times I try really hard to take more time out breaks (a cup of coffee in the garden, a longer shower than usual, listening to a song through my headphones...). Being more conscious of my breathing and trying to take long, slow, deep breaths can help too. I also try to walk away from situations where I feel like things are escalating inside me and I might have trouble controlling it. I will up and go in the middle of a conversation if I have to, until I feel a little more calm.

When I can I try to burn it out by using that energy for something constructive. Cleaning, mowing, gardening, walking, riding my bike - they feel good when I'm fiery. If I can't do those things then chill out activities like crochet can be good.

Is there anything you've noticed that helps you, or situations in particular that you struggle to control anger in? Working out those things seems to be a big step in managing.

[Nay69]

My husband has the same anger issues. You need to find the root of where your anger is coming from.
More often than not from my own experience, it stems from your childhood and upbringing.
I am here if you want to talk more

[Nay69]

Well said. I absolutely agree with you.
Take time to breathe and allow yourself the space to cope with the anger. My husband could definitely learn from you

[outlander]

Thank you @CheerBear if its allright ill respond properly tomorrow

Hello and welcome @Nay69 thanks for commenting. If you put an @symbol then the members name itll tag them for you too

[Nay69]

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@outlander wrote:
Thank you @CheerBear if its allright ill respond properly tomorrow

Hello and welcome @Nay69 thanks for commenting. If you put an @symbol then the members name itll tag them for you too

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@Nay69

thanks for listening to me. It means the world as I feel that I have no one else to turn to 

[outlander]

Your most welcome @Nay69

Your also able to use the introduce yourself here thread and have a look around and join in where you like and even start a thread for yourself so we can come support you through your challanges too

[outlander]

Morning @CheerBear and thank you for your thoughtful response!

I feel that same as you my anger likes to sit under the surface but I dont often explode but when it does come on full force it really is like trying to control an erupting volcano.

You warning signs are very similar to mine- snappy, stressed, tired, short fused, I also ind im more irritated or react even to the lightest things, sometimes it really just build to wanting to scream and take out everything in my path but I dont do that.

Thank you for sharing what helps you, sometimes im not sure what is better- to be outside and active or to find ways to just chill. I find it need to get away from the kids for a while but its hard when they are like a shadow or question everything I do or just always seem to be 'there'
sometimes throwing socks at the wall helps but other than that not a lot really has an effect or it takes a long time to get out of that 'mood'

Morning @Nay69 and thank you for commenting as well, I know most of my anger is built up because of all my roles, responsibilities and just being frustrated but theres not a lot I can change. I do hope you husband can find ways to control his anger too, your most welcome to talk about them here an maybe we could help you as well...

Morning @Dec I hope its ok to respond to your post on the other thread on here..
I know you also know quite abit of my life story. I do tend to suppress a lot of my anger and frustration because of everything happening and its just this constant never-ending cycle.
My anger doesnt really give any drive, it just makes me really angry and then I go really really low once that mood has passed.
One thing that makes me angry sometimes is the kids-it sounds awful and hard to explain but its not actually 'them' its just- hmm having trouble explaining it but I have a feeling you might be getting what im saying.

[Blighman]

Hi @outlander

Have the same issues but I have become better at responding to the triggers, not always but a lot better than I used to be. 

Your statement about the kids made me laugh, I know what you mean, but then you feel like a monster for having those thoughts which adds to the frustration. 

I went on medication to help not only me but my family. My family were scared of me which is not a healthy environment for anyone.

I have a boxing bag I punch and kick the stuffing out of when I start to feel enclosed and angry which increases my fitness and allows me to feel sort of normal.

Your already on the right path by simply recognising the issue mate. 

[CrazyJ]

@outlander I have struggled for over a decade with explosive anger. Just as you described. Building like a volcano and then erupting, but it keeps going and can take hours to calm down without meds. I never know when or who it will strike, but the outcome is always devestation to that relationship. 

The green monster under my tongue. I don't know anything other than being vigilant with your meds and trying to reduce stressful people and situations. 

If you find something that works please share. I'm certain it's not just a few of us