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Something’s not right

Sophie1
Senior Contributor

My journey with My Bipolar II partner

Grrrr - I’m so angry and frustrated !!!!!!!! My partner (bipolar II rapid cycler) has just picked me up from the train station after work driving recklessly- she ran up over the curb ... I thought maybe an innocent error then overtook a reversing car, nearly hit a bus, ran over a traffic island and up onto another curb .... all of this within 30m of picking me up ... I was so mad I yelled at her to pull over and let me drive - I was soooo mad and still am that she didn’t tell me she was too exhausted to drive safely - I would have happily taken bus home or a taxi ... she knows that ... we have even talked about it - then I find out she has moved all our garden shed contents into the garage - a job she didn’t need to do today or on her own ... a huge job ... it needed doing as shed is being replaced in two days time but it exhausted her so much her fatigue afterwards makes her clumsy and unsafe with not just driving but also even doing things around the house - like moving her body around doing normal things without bumping into stuff etc .... this is not the first time she has over exhausted herself with jobs around the house and ended up driving dangerously or falling over etc as if drunk  ... I’m sooo frustrated !!!!!!!! Any advice on what to do next ?????? How much can a person who is post hypo-manic and exhausted really understand ?? How much can a person with bipolar II be expected to self manage their exertion levels when feeling hypomanic to avoid over exertion and dangerous exhaustion levels ??  I don’t know what is reasonable to expect of my partner ??

21 REPLIES 21

Re: she’s damaged the car again - what should I do ?

Its frustrating and really difficult  @Sophie1

I guess it is difficult for your partner too.  What is an innocent error, and when should one say .. limit ... or say .. no more driving ...  

What is responsible and when is fatigue too high. When is it wise to use the energy one has and get a job done.

Perhaps it will always be a shifting situation and that ... rigid expectations are unlikely to work.  Maybe communicating a little more before making daily practical arrangements.

Sorry Cant help much, but I agree they are real issues.

Smiley Happy

Re: she’s damaged the car again - what should I do ?

@Sophie1 Hi Sophie1 hmmm ... yes well my car has borne the brunt of my mi more than once. The thing is when you are manic yeah you shouldn't be driving but tell that to someone who is manic....  what I did when I was going through manic stages was give my keys to my daughter. Worked well as she safe guarded the keys while my moods were flucturating. Now that my meds have controlled my moods I don't have those mood surges and we no longer have to do this. Maybe that would help. greenpea

Re: she’s damaged the car again - what should I do ?

@Sophie1 the driving is a scary situation and one that I have had to contend with in a couple of different ways. The worst when Mr D was suicidal which  was a very ordinary time, otherwise  was speeding  was  his main offense; but he did wreck a tyre driving over garden edging rocks even though driveway more than 6m wide. It was concerning as he usually is a very good driver. He is no longer allowed to do community driving (due to MH events) which was a loss to him (and us) and he would see further restrictions on his driving as catastrophic.  Thankfully he does have insight at present and will tell me if he is too tired etc

 

With regard to the other hype,  I try and direct energies to jobs that are necessary though Mr D is inclined to do things enthusiastically but not well.

 

Is there a plan in place for when hype recurs? Can you let treating team know? Sometimes a med tweakage is required. Rapid cycling = 😬. I find Mr D comes across as being well when he is hype and pdoc thinks I am being over anxious.  I did read an article in a bipolar blog once that acknowledged pdocs predominantly see patients in depression and often carers feel their concerns re: hype are ignored until tipping point is passed.

 

Could say a lot more, will tag you in some posts you might find helpful. 

Re: she’s damaged the car again - what should I do ?

@Appleblossom thankyou for the kind message - i Am trying the more communication about practical daily arrangements - yesterday I took the car after checking she didn’t need it and encouraged her to rest ... today she is well rested and plans to drive to see her friend for lunch - I implored her to not do too much activity before driving so she is not exhausted and reiterated that I don’t care if the house isn’t perfectly tidy

Re: she’s damaged the car again - what should I do ?

@greenpea thx for the reply - I also noticed that there are memory issues during a post manic exhausted period and the next day not clear memory of the mania or the post mania exhaustion ... I did take the car the next day as I didn’t know if she was rested and recovered

Re: she’s damaged the car again - what should I do ?

@Former-Member Thanks for sharing your experiences - our conversation last night was very much around trying to pace physical exertion when she is high so she avoids over exerting herself to a dangerous level of zombie exhaustion - altho I’m not sure if the zombie factor is physical exhaustion result or just the low after a high and nothing to do with exertion ... anyway I’ll have a read through the links - thx heaps as much as I avoid it over the years previously I do know that education is mandatory - but I resent that I’m the one reading and educating myself and that she is not 

Re: she’s damaged the car again - what should I do ?

@Sophie1 Hi Sophie1 yes my memory during periods like that isn't great either. Just another thing to contend with I suppose Smiley Frustrated

Re: she’s damaged the car again - what should I do ?

@Sophie1 

Yes, it can be  frustrating. Responsibilities for things that we 'did not sign up for' when we dreamt of living happily ever after.

 

Learning changed my confusion and hurt into love and compassion.  

 

The 'Aware' bipolar talks are really helpful and not onerous to watch.  When euthymic, your partner may find them helpful. 

 

Sending very gentle thoughts your way. 

 

Darcy

Re: she’s damaged the car again - what should I do ?

Thanks @Former-Member
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