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TriniMac
New Contributor

Need advice / Plan for a parent

Hi,

I reached the point where I need help or advice to have a plan to deal with my father. He is hanging out to retire but stuck on Newstart. He has type 2 diabetes and possibly some kind of undiagnosed mood disorder or depression. He gets quite paranoid and is having trouble making decisions.

 

I would like advice about:

What and how to manage fixing up his problems without treading on an emotional eggshell

Advice about getting him to go to a different doctor (he can get 3 month medical certificates going to a diff doctor)

 

He vents to me on a daily basis and while I am trying to be caring its also very draining.

 

1 REPLY 1

Re: Need advice / Plan for a parent

Hello @TriniMac

 

Thank you for sharing your experiences, it sounds like a really tough time with trying to encourage your Dad to seek support but also being his main support.

The first thing I would suggest for you to do would be to continue trying to encourage him to seek support from a professional. A GP is a great place to start as they will be able to do a brief assessment of his mental health and refer him onwards to the appropriate professionals and/or services.

Starting this kind of discussion is not always easy, so it may be helpful for you to consider some of the following communication tips before approaching him:
 
- Choose a time and a place that is suitable for both of you
- Speak in a calm, quiet voice
- Start the discussion by talking about how the person is feeling
- Listen to what the person has to say, rather than doing most of the talking. Sometimes, when a person wants to talk, they are not always seeking advice, but just need to talk about their concerns.
- Be patient and wait, it may take a while for your loved one to respond. Often just spending time with the person and listening to them lets them know someone cares and understands them
- Remember that your ability to listen is a valuable resource to your loved one. Listening and letting them know, in a caring manner, that you have heard what they have said, is a valuable and supportive contribution
- Let your loved one know that while you are here to support them, you feel ill-equipped to provide sufficient support on your own, and that some additional support from a professional might be more helpful
- Share your own vulnerability - Tell your loved one about a time where you accepted help for a problem you were facing. This can help to normalise the idea of seeking help.
Clarify what your loved one’s barriers to help-seeking actually are (e.g., fear) and consider ways to overcome those barriers together
- Focus on the issues your loved one can acknowledge and suggest they get help for those (e.g., insomnia, difficulty concentrating).
- Be patient, and remember that you do not have to offer immediate solutions

 

Other than encouraging him to engage in help seeking behaviours, you might need to work on your boundaries with him, such as only having one conversation a week, so he becomes aware he needs to get more support rather than rely on you. This can be tricky to put in place, so many family members find it helpful to seek support to help with him reacting to those changes. You can use forums like this one, but there are also some other carer services such as;

 

Mental Health Carers Australia (formerly ARAFMI National)
National Helpline 1300 554 660
www.mentalhealthcarersaustralia.org.au
Mental Health Carers Australia seeks to: explore and strengthen the mental health caring role, develop knowledge, improve skills and offer support to reduce isolation and enhance the caring journey, and advocate on behalf of carers.

 

I hope this is helpful and I look forward to getting to know you better, it is very helpful you are reaching out on the forums for some extra support.

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