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Something’s not right

Alacarte
Senior Contributor

Wondering why me

When I look back at my life I wonder why all the things that happened to me, happened to me. My non diagnosis of schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder. My path into alcoholism and apparent recovery. My abuse of opiates as soon as I was prescribed them and my recovery from them. I wonder why I have lost so many friends and yet my family has never given up on me. I wonder why I had to damage my brain in order to feel normal. I wonder what I have actually done in my life as a lot of it has been lost to me, forever gone in a drunken haze. I wonder why I enjoyed all the crazy things I’ve done. I wonder what has driven me to this point of happiness that at times feels forced and unrecognisable. And yet at other times brings me great joy even though I know that essentially we are all alone. I wonder why me. I wonder why us. I wonder if people out there who understand really exist as I’ve yet to meet one. I wonder what the future holds for me and I wonder at the wonder. I wonder...

5 REPLIES 5

Re: Wondering why me

Why me? Why not no one? Not a self pity post. I’m genuinely lost as to how I’m feeling at the moment. 

Re: Wondering why me

@Alacarte  Hi Alacarte I have often wondered about similar things and then came back to the throughts that why not. Firstly I am not in the least bit religious more spiritual. I believe we are on a journey and our current life is just part of that journey. What we learn along the way we take with us to the next life and so on should we choose to continue our journey or stay in the spiritual realm.

 

I also believe that we are in a matrix kind of reality where what we see is not necessarily what is truely real. If we knew what was real it would blow our minds ... anyway that is my few cents worth. greenpea xxx

Re: Wondering why me

Wondering why things happen is natural @Alacarte, and you look at it in any situation, both positive and negative. Have you read any books into the subject at all?

Re: Wondering why me

Hi @Ali11 and hey @greenpea   The matrix sounds cool. No, I haven’t read any books at all on the subject. Recommendations? I was really twisting myself up there for a bit so I made a salad and lay down. Am ok now though. Sometimes loneliness is a bitch. 

Re: Wondering why me

@Alacarte The Matrix was a great movie, groundbreaking when it first came out in the late 90s. It was based on a mixture of religious and spiritual philosophy. A friend recommended The Pillars Of Consciousness by Osho, it's supposed to be a brief introduction into some of the ideas that the movie was inspired by.

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