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  • Author : Muddles17
  • support : 2
  • Topic : Our stories
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My partner and I have only been together just under a year. 

This whole time has been very difficult. At times, it has been great others, very traumatic.

My partner is considered a paranoid schizophrenic. He is currently hospitalised, initially voluntary, now involuntary. He suffers delusions, paranoia, anger, depression, disorganised thoughts and speech, sometimes he has suicidal thoughts but I don't believe he will physically harm himself.

He has been in hospital almost two weeks. He is not responding to treatment and the environment is inconducive to his well being. 

Today, was very hard. He had escorted leave, and we went out to the shops then to the park. He had a paranoid episode in the park and got very aggressive and yelling at me. He then  walked off and left me alone in the park. This was all over a lighter and me taking a while to put my shoes on. I am currently pregnant with twins (pre 12 weeks) and trying to keep all this together. I was told to f**k off. I called the hospital panicking, the nurse just seemed incompetent. Asked me why I was crying, after I explained the series of events. Honestly, i yelled at her for asking a stupid question. 

He went back to the hospital. I called and he was there.

Last week, he was very different, this week he is getting progressively worse. He blames me for being in there, but he chose to go after a manic episode. All I have ever suggested is going to the GP as a first point. Then go from there. I never suggested or wanted him in this hospital.

I feel the lack of care and information to carers and partners from the hospital and nursing staff is severely impeding my ability to help him.

The medication seemed to be working, then it stopped. The increments increasing over a very short period of time. Plus has been given a sedative when he has shown aggression. 

I am at a loss. I feel very isolated and I am really struggling with where the person ends and the illness starts. Today, I just feel utterly useless and this pregnancy is a spanner in the works and I have no idea on where I can get help and support and whether my partner, who I dearly love, loves me back. 

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