Topic Tuesday // Creating and maintaining social connections // Tues 20 Nov, 7pm AEDT

[greenpea]

@jess_27@Former-Member@Adge@Zoe7@BlueBay@Teej and everyone sorry I have to go and put son to bed. Thank you jess_27 for your time. greenpea 

[Zoe7]

@greenpea any community can only be judged on its participants and this community is certainly special 

[BlueBay]

@jess_27 I don’t have any friends thst help me. I do have a ciffee with a friend weekly. 

[Adge]

Yes I do prioritise my time & energy @jess_27

When my friend comes up from down south, a few times a year - I happily spend 2 or 3 hours with her (mostly her talking). Then I crash.

The same when I do reciprocal invites with my back neighbour (every few months) - it's my turn to invite her over next.

Adge

[jess_27]

My psychologist once said to me that 'we can learn new patterns' 

I used to be set in my ways about how I interacted with people due to trauma. But i am gradually learning a new way. I believe that you can learn to trust again. Baby steps are very important. @Zoe7

[jess_27]

That's great, Adge! Good work!

[jess_27]

Do you find that getting out for a coffee helpful? Even if it just getting outside?

[Zoe7]

Trusting people here has been a huge step for me @jess_27 and I am beginning to feel a little of that with some members f the DBT group but I also know that I am extremely guarded and do not give much of myself away either.

[jess_27]

You are so right @greenpea (sorry I only got to your post after you left) some relationships cna be very demanding and emotionally taxing. In these situations I choose to do a weighing exercise and determine if I am getting more good than bad out of the interaction. If bad outweighs the good then it is time to reflect and potentially move on. 

[jess_27]

That's amazinf progess @Zoe7! I hope you are proud of yourself because you should be. 

Learning to break down our walls, often built up by past experiences, is REALLY tough. It takes baby steps. It will start with us, then your DBT group and soon you will feel more confident and trusting and you'll look back one day and wonder how you got there. It just takes time and hard work.