Lived Experience Forum

[Faith-and-Hope]

How is our aspie turtle @Phoenix_Rising ....?

We know you don’t mean to be argumentative ..... it’s just very black and white for some people, and a bazillion shades of grey in between for others .....

👋 I’m a greybie.....

[Faith-and-Hope]

Okay everybody ..... I am just gonna stick my neck out here a bit and say something .....

I have been really impressed, and thankful, to see this thread tracking along so well for so long, and being so supportive to many of us.

If we can acknowledge, as we have often been able to do, that we are dealing in a community that has a wide spectrum of personalities, mental and emotional processing styles, experiences which often include trauma and ongoing struggles, etc ..... then after taking a pause for a little while, can we get back to business on this thread and focus our attention back onto the positive growth outcomes of DBT ?

I think it is also important to acknowledge that things can get prickly at times, owing to personal differences in communication, processing, and outlook ..... but I also believe that within that vortex, no real harm is intended.  When things have become very reactive, perhaps we can look back on the DBT principles we are focussing on in this thread to find the trail again, and hopefully heal up some differences and misunderstandings along the way ......

I hope this link is helpful as a re-set .....

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hDJi86n9-Rk

[outlander]

Has anyone seen @Phoenix_Rising lately?

[Sans911]

@outlander I was thinking the same think a few days ago

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Phoenix-Rising has been absent for a while, and I am missing her ...... 😔🌿🐢

[outlander]

i hope she comes back soon @Sans911@Faith-and-Hope

@Phoenix_Risinghoping your ok

[outlander]

@Bluetoo heres another that may help too

[Adge]

My psychologist was reminding me today of Radical Acceptance - which is part of DBT.

The problem is that after reading quite a bit, I still cannot find anything that suggests how you "Let Go" & "accept what is".

The assumption seems to be that we can somehow let go & not dwell on thoughts of what we don't like (or don't agree with).

Any suggestions?

Adge

[Teej]

Hi @Adge. Radical acceptance and I have had a turbulent history 😆. The first time I did DBT I hated it and couldn’t connect with the concept at all. Late last year I did it again and have a much better understanding of it (well for me anyway). On that note please know this is how I worked it out for me........after being the pesky one in group who asked a million questions trying to get my head around it. 

So here’s teej’s take on it, others I’d imagine do it differently. 

1) we don’t have to like what we need to radically accept and probably never will. 

2) I think ‘it is what it is’  has helped me to accept things a bit easier

3) radical acceptance for me happens over a long time. I can’t just choose to accept something and ‘let it go’ as such for a long time. It’s more about not letting it have as much power anymore.

4) Again at a personal level just knowing I need to accept something is a huge starting point. It’s that little conscious thought in the back of your mind. 

5) sometimes it will still feel like this thing you are trying to accept still has power over you but other times it doesn’t feel so big any more. 

I went through something a few months back that I needed to radically accept. At the time it felt like a do or die issue. I knew I had to accept it at a logical level which I guess is owning it too. I hated that I had to but knew it was very capable of destroying me if I didn’t find a way to let it go and not have so much power over me. I tantrummed and cried and still felt the emotions but tried not to fight it or deny it was happening. For me knowing and telling myself that I had to accept it but didn’t like it helped. Over time I have been able to let it go. It’s not gone from memory but it’s not dominating like it was. For me it is a process that takes time and reminding myself that I need to accept this on repeat. 

Im not sure if others have similar experiences. I think I’d been so caught up with thinking I had to feel ok about it and it would be magically lifted from my shoulders and let go so to speak. I have a few other things to work on with this too lately. I hope this helps 💜🤗

[Faith-and-Hope]

I can certainly relate to this @Teej @Adge ..... having to accept our relation at the start of this year was impacting on my health through psychosomatic symptoms that were a warning to me that I had to assimilate the changes, like it or not.