Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Smc]

@Determined, is a good result. Even if you're not in a mood for celebrating it at the moment, it means you've got a good foundation for however you make use of that knowledge in the future. If you could get that kind of a result while under your current stress levels, then you're pretty solid in the subject.

[Determined]

Yes @Smc  there is a positive to everything.

I am just disappointed in myself that I could not achieve that at a normal study load. Currently at 25% dropped back from.only 50% because I was not coping 🙁

Pleased though that this takes some pressure off for final assessment task. 

[Smc]

@Determined, I took five years part time to complete a two year ceramics diploma. You do what you have to do, as long as you get there in the end.

Disappearing offline now- still up at the parents' place, so am using library internet. Going home tomorrow...yay.

[Determined]

Safe travels for the journey home @Smc 

Thinking of you and family. 

[Determined]

I had an unexpected pleasent start to today. 

As I was leaving for uni this morning I actually got a genuine and warm  hug and kiss goodbye from my darling. And I was able to respond without being uneasy...

Hoping this is a sign that some quality time as a family over the next week may be an opportunity to reduce some barriers between us. I have someone covering my work shifts next week to allow this. 

[Determined]

Darling has been pushing me away for so long and I have withdrawn with enough protective self preservation barriers that Im not sure how to respond anymore 😕

At least I am aware of this so I can work on it without inadvertently blocking out any opportunities for healing. 

[Determined]

And then I when I let my guard down I get the usual scowl when I say goodnight.

Will probably be in in an hour or 2 to turn on all the lights and wake me up while she gets herself organised 🙁

Oh well it was good while it lasted. 

[Smc]

@Determined... I guess the warm moments are glimpses of what was, and what you hope will be again. Dropping your guard may leave you open to being hurt, but you're right, being constantly on the defensive can also mean you miss those good moments too. I know the warm moments I saw beween my parents meant a lot to me when I was growing up, and somehow they seem to be what Dad's memory has held onto in spite of the more-frequent nagging and arguments.

You and your Darling and family have so much more support than there was when we were kids (you'd remember... the only context where mental illness was discussed back then was gossip 😞 ) so I really hope you've got better prospects for making things work together. You're all in a vulnerable time after losing your MIL, but that vulnerability can also be a chance for openness. Guess I'm mostly trying to say "Don't give up, we've got your back".

And we did have a pleasant and safe trip home- thank you. 🙂

[Determined]

Thank you @Smc,

My last post was probably unnecessarily narky, I was just feeling a little hurt and rejected. I had been feeling `warm and fuzzy` and had just finished contemplating how nice the start to the day was so the response at the end of the day was unexpected. More the look in darlings’ eyes than her words… hard to explain ☹    

[Determined]

Glad your travel home went well 😊