Lived Experience Forum

[NatalieS]

Hi @Blue012 @Mulgajane @frog @CheerBear

Extremely difficult pretending to be ok and "normal" and the same as everyone else, but no matter what, I just don't fit in anywhere.

[frog]

Hi @NatalieS I hear you.

It's exhausting and lonely trying to fit in.

Sometimes I'm philsophical about being different; normal is overrated. But a lot of times I feel sad.

Take care.

[Mulgajane]

Hi @NatalieS

I live in the country and I grew up finding it especially difficult to find people to fit in with. At high school I ran with a pack of underdogs and the only things we had in common were being bullied and humour. Thank God for the humour! 🙂

As a young woman I turned to alcohol to help me socialise and though I did eventually find some like minded people here and there, I don't think I was capable of really letting them in because I was so desperately sad inside.

Since my recovery things have changed because i am opening up to people. I joined a soccer club which turned out to full of whacky women trying to cope and that's me! 

As for the Bipolar thing - that's incredibly hard because I don't really know anyone to compare notes with but they have to be out there in my community and I will find them!

Plus I'm pretty excited about this forum, it feels good to talk with all you good people.

I like the fact that you have a child-like drawing as your profile picture NatalieS, I am known for my child-like qualities 🙂

[NatalieS]

ARRRRGH!   Just when I think I am handling things better and have the anxiety under control I flip out and run away.

Yesterday I went to the op shop to help sort donations in the shipping container outside..something I enjoy because there's just me, the radio and my singing (in my head I have the voice of an angel.)  The manager of the shop asked me to go through the already sorted and hanging summer clothes, and ensure all clothing was hanging on white coat hangers, so they could be put straight on display in the shop during the next few weeks.  Simple task I thought. I was going along merrily hanging garments on non-white hangers on to an empty rack so I could exchange the hangers  for white hangers in a different area of the container-the old switcheroo, as there are never enough spare hangers just to do one swap. .....continued.....

[NatalieS]

..continued.....I was going along merrily hanging garments on non-white hangers on to an empty rack so I could exchange the hangers  for white hangers in a different area of the container-the old switcheroo, as there are never enough spare hangers just to do one swap, and then my brain spun out of control and I was having trouble trying to remember what clothing came from what section, then I berated myself for not remembering or for not being able to complete a simple task.  Even trying to concentrate on what colour was what, and what section of clothing I was swapping from, seemed totally confusing and I was questioning what impossible task I was attempting.  My confidence took a massive dive as I felt so incompetent.  The panic and anxiety kept spiralling and I thought I'd be able to complete my alloted volunteer shift if I just kept moving.  Things became unbearable and I just had to get out and run away.  Its really difficult to say to someone that has no idea what's going on, that you just have to get away asap.  My behaviour seems bizarre even to me.  And by that stage I was in total crisis mode and nothing could soothe me.  Maybe I ought to have left earlier than I did?

[outlander]

@Mulgajane thank you so much for sharing what works for you in a crisis, im sure these tips will be helpful for others too

[Mulgajane]

I think @NatalieS that if we could somehow make a movie of people like us depicting what appears on the outside and what's going on inside our heads that it would be hilarious. Not because your experience is funny - I am sure it was most distressing, but because like so much humour, it is such a relief to laugh at ourselves as apposed to the terrible beration that makes us spiral into turmoil.

I am sometimes tempted to draw cartoons of my condition. In fact i am also tempted to start an art therapy group for women with the selfish desire i have to encourage myself to express myself creatively.

Perhaps it's like exercise and i have difficulty doing it on my own, but i have also seen the healing abilities that groups of women provide. 

How are you doing today?

How are you @frog ?

[frog]

Hi @Mulgajane @outlander @NatalieS @Blue012 @Jupiter

Im going to have brunch with a friend but am annoyed with myself coz can’t stop worrying about what I ‘should’ be getting done today. Hope you have some joy today. 

[Mulgajane]

The perfect antidote to 'divide and conquer' is brunch with a friend frog.
Don't let the establishment get you down 🙂

[NatalieS]

Hi @Mulgajane, I agree with you, looking back the episode with the white and black hangers WAS funny, but not so at the time.  I was telling my friend what had happened - and he has PTSD - and he reminded me not to be too hard on myself.  He agreed it wasn't the end of the world, but at times like that it seemed that way.  He mentioned a time when it was his first day at a particular job.  A delivery arrived for him to sort-all the same product-but with a multitude of varities and names, just they all looked the same to him.....said he sat on the floor in the midst of these things.....totally paralyzed by the thought of such an enormous task ahead, which was to be completed in 30 minutes...he cheers me up because he just gets it.  Sometimes it just takes me a while to laugh at the situation!  Sigh.