Lived Experience Forum

[eth]

Love your piece @Appleblossom   quite brilliant and poignant.  Have you heard of the Grieve Competition - it closes quite soon but you might want to look into it, I think some of your stuff would go well in it.  xxEth

[greenpea]

@bipolarbunny  BB you are a treasure x you are so talented. I love your work. Maybe you should try to have your work published. Just a thought. Love you peaxxx

[Appleblossom]

Yes I have @eth heard of that Mob.

It is a place I want to return to as we were abandoned in old house, near the beach, just after the fighter jet went down in 66.   It all makes a lot of sense to me now, understanding the specific and historically real trauma triggers for my parents.  Not just "delusions".

I felt very put down in my local Writing Group, just had to let all those aspirations go for a while. I was optimistic and generated good social outings, I hoped they might care, but my "creative" writing was probably still too difficult and not unpacked enough to stand as good writing, more as therapy.. but the stigma of suicide is all too confronting, and even though Grieve takes it seriously they also have to be protective for the general good of society. So the costs of suicide seem to last a VERY LONG time. Also struggling more with my son makes it feel very superficial to just wanna get published. Met a few good people in writing group but also NPD Vanity Publishing type. who was controlling with my son, but Thank God she went back to where she came from, instead of dictating her terms in my land of birth. I have published 5 poems in a small anthology and thats enough really. Thanks for suggesting it.

[Former-Member]

@bipolarbunnyI really don't think people will judge your work. People will either not feel any attachment to it has they haven't experienced what you have or it will speak volumes to them. For a lot of us we don't know how to verbally express our selfs let alone write about it. To help us to know what it is we are feeling and understand why.

poets have the gift to help us understand ourselfs and connect to with our emotions.

so I for one would also hope you do publish a book one day.💻📇📚

[bipolarbunny]

@greenpea @Shaz51 @Dimity @Mazarita @Judi9877 @rivergal @Appleblossom @Former-Member @HenryX @eth and anyone else I've missed who is passing through. Sorry I've been a bit absent of late. Winter has beaten me up a little with the SADs and I tend to turtle and isolate when I'm not feeling well. Wrote this little ditty last night which has been the theme for the past week or so. Hope everyone is coping with whatever life is throwing your way. Big hugs to all, BB 🐰💙🌈

Insomnia

Insomnia, you dirty dog,

You hover with your velvet fog,
And keep my pupils wide awake,
Forbidding sleep I must partake.

Insomnia, you monstrous beast,
Inside my weary head you feast,
And conjure ruminating sorts,
That manifest from raging thoughts.

Insomnia, you wretched pest,
What have you done with all my rest,
You creep inside my sacred space,
Then slap me hard across the face.

Insomnia, you savage brute,
You raid my dreams and steel the loot,
Then force awake a new encore,
When all I want to do is snore.

Insomnia, you rabid fiend,
Where are the stolen Z’s you gleaned,
From underneath my pillow slip,
I think I need a benzo drip.

Insomnia, you rotten swine,
Don’t make me skull a jug of wine,
My eyes are bloodshot as it is,
And it’s too cold to take a whizz.

Insomnia, you sullen weed,
I need to sleep, don’t make me plead,
The sun is rising very soon,
I’m feeling like a crazy loon.

Insomnia, you lose once more,
A night of hellish underscore,
The sheep did bolt without a peep,
And finally, I’m fast asleep.

© BB – 22 May 2021

[bipolarbunny]

@Former-Member I grew up being judged and ridiculed harshly along with being emotionally neglected & abused, thanks to which I have c-ptsd. That makes it extremely difficult for me to put myself out there. There may come a day I will publish what I write in a book. But it is a very long way off. I'm only starting to begin to understand the depth of the neglect and trauma I suffered as a kid and how it's pretty much screwed up every relationship and friendship I've ever had. The fear of rejection and judgement and my mistrust of people runs very deep. I guess until I conquer that fear, I will stay inside my shell and just post some work on the SANE forums. Hope you are doing better my friend, hugs n love xxx BB 🐰💙🌈🤗

[bipolarbunny]

@greenpea @Shaz51 @Dimity @Mazarita @Judi9877 @rivergal @Appleblossom @Former-Member @HenryX @eth 
Here's one from a manic spin a few weeks back. BB xx🐰💙

Madness

What is this madness poet’s seek,

That I should be, willing to speak,

From rooftops or a tower tall,

I hasten, for I dare not fall,

Into a fog or bleak abyss,

Where I shall feel an angel’s kiss,

That lifts my soul and spirit high,

So I can spread my wings and fly.

What is this sorrow poet’s write,

Beneath a dark and sullen night,

Of stormy heart and dreary mind,

And melancholy so inclined,

It touches festered wounds en masse,

That hide within a deep crevasse,

The silence holding deafened cries,

Averting life through sodden eyes.

What is this anguish poet’s bleed,

Evolving at outrageous speed,

A mixture of the here and now,

Transformed by convoluted vow,

All hailed by struggle, tos and fros,

Still stuck, until the movement grows,

And sheds new hope upon the plight,

Of souls that ravage in the night.

What is this boldness poet’s yield,

That I might abdicate my shield,

And throw all caution to the wind,

To battles waged and voices sinned,

But there is mystery I’m told,

Let every nook and crease unfold,

To spread your story far and wide,

Unto the corners which we hide. 

What is this nonsense poet’s spew,

Whilst manic pages write anew,

Through ridges of a furrowed brow,

I cannot fathom why nor how,

But writing calls for mad decline,

And words reveal an ancient rhyme,

Not always in a choice of stead,

These words placate the wounds I’ve bled.

What is this candor poet’s raise,

A simple truth amongst the haze,

Of lies and unrelenting scorn,

Through tragedy a hero born,

To save the souls of dreadful past,

Enlightened by their minds aghast,

And tempered by the wisdom sort,

So hearts may rest from struggles fought.

What is this madness poet’s seek,

And should I now be drawn to speak,

That manic highs and bitter lows,

Are fuel to navigate my prose,

And bring me to a state of now,

So I may learn the truth somehow,

And right the wrongs of past refrain,

To soothe the madness of my brain. 

© BB - 05 May 2021

[greenpea]

@bipolarbunny  reminds me of stages of my psychosis (that I remember that is). I felt so hurt physically and mentally ..... wonderful poem.

[bipolarbunny]

@greenpea Thank you my beautiful pea, now you look after yourself my friend. You let me know if you want me to post more poems for you to read in hospital. I can start you a special thread. Lots of love & bunny hugs sweetie xx

BB 🐰💙🤗🌈