Our stories
Hi @Sophia1 Hope you are better today.
Often I have more emotional days. One lady at church curtly told me to stay at home another told me it was the best thing to get the emotionality out in the open. One knew she was bitter and cranky, a lawyer who boasted about ducking paying traffic fines, annoyed heaps of people and left, the other was always an open and friendly person, a teacher, and is still friends.
I was not trying to be difficult, on the contrary. Part of the problem was that sometimes I was overcome so suddenly and for the first few years at the choir, was embarrassed and ashamed, retreated to the toilet or went home.
If my tears started it was not a polite little drop, but a continual stream no matter how much I suppressed it. It would often take over a week to settle them so I could go to the shops without red eyes or spluttering. Being a mother it was always about food, as I was not really into shopping, despite my son's early commenting. (attitudes taken from father) My son learned eventually, as he would not go out to fill up pantry with food (woman's work) and if I was unwell I would let pantry run low. Over long years he began to see it was responsible householding. I endured heaps of taunts and jibes from husband, but it took many years as I did not get "his hints" as he called them, as marrying for provision was never my motivation or even part of my understanding of the world, given my father's struggles, early death and being raised by widowed mother.
As a young woman I had been work oriented, cerebral and intellectual, originally connecting with him on scientific isssues, and left 2 well paying jobs to get him off the hook and take on care of his baby.. I was aware of feminism, but it was not top of my list, as I liked men as equals.
Emotionality is a strong part of me now. I bore a lot privately for many years. Being restrained or composed was really not my issue. Yesterday at the zoo was a pre tearing up day, just feeling very quiet and delicate.
Glad that you assert the need to express.
Bitterness is one of those descriptors that can be easily used to deny the relevance of deeper truths, a little like "toxic" is thrown about today. I have not seen it as a strong aspect of your posts at all. Generally, I have avoided "sweetness" as a positive or bitterness as a negative. Something about being wary of sugar early on ... lol ..
I prefer a mix of flavours ... the idea of a big well matured fruity red ...with raspberry accents ...lol Glad you reassurred @Owlunar Thinking of you Dec
Sorry if I repeat myself a lot.
As women we often compromise to keep the peace, but I am not so sure it is fully one's fault re respect or the boundaries in a marriage. Sometimes I think the benefits and responsibilities of boundaries are pushed too far, in that it may not be reasonable as we did npt have spare energy with heavy child bearing duties. The higher use of child care centres do not seem to be levelling the playground and there are different families constellations and different personalities of chilren and spouse etc etc ..different levels of family support and resources ...
There is not the same level of respect or protection for women and children that earlier generations had, unfortunately ...
Glad you had some relief.
Hello @Appleblossom
Thank you for taking the time to reply with such an open...honest style..
I have read many of your past posts describing a part of what life for you growing up was like...
This forms another piece of the puzzle....
You are blossoming in your story telling...
Thank you for sharing...
I feel touched by your response...
I too believe in equality but not overpowering feminism....
Men too have their cross to bear...
Not all women are nice ..as not all men either..
I am fragile at the moment....I am being honest with myself....I am hurting ....I am also allowing this hurt to be....which is new for me...
@Owlunar perhaps we could start a new subject about allowing ourselves to hurt and feel our pain....I cannot think clearly what we might call this topic....can you help?
Aw hi Peeps @Sophia1@Appleblossom@Razzle@outlander@BlueBay - anyone else passing by or dropping in
I seem to have abandoned the thread - but it has continued - thanks everyone - it is really comforting and encouragine to notice this - and it's a brand new Monday Morning - not that this is an exciting fact
@Sophia1 wrote:
I am fragile at the moment....I am being honest with myself....I am hurting ....I am also allowing this hurt to be....which is new for me...
@Owlunar perhaps we could start a new subject about allowing ourselves to hurt and feel our pain....I cannot think clearly what we might call this topic....can you help?
Thanks Sophia - rather than try and go back and pick up the old subject - which was interesting - I think we might start a new topic - I like your idea of allowing ourselves to be hurt and feeling the pain - now what to call it - how about
Allowing Ourselves to be Hurt and Feeling the Pain?
I remember fallind down the back steps when I was about 3 and banging my knee and most people have had that moment in time I am sure - when we are winded and can't breathe and therefore can't cry and we are totally helpless. How much worse can that be - needing help and the very pain we feel stops us from being able to communicate?
Remember that - and how frightening it is to not be winded -
To be successful in life - and there are many kinds of success - we need to take risks - and sometimes we will be hurt - and how many different ways there are to be hurt!
But we need to take these risks or we would remain in some kind of stasis at an undetermined age and not move on - that's scary too
We don't have to take on all our fears at once - that would not be fun - if we are afraid of flying we only need take a short flight - and forget about the other things we are afraid of until we work it out - is flying what we want to do or it is something else?
Perhaps it's public speaking and not just getting up on the stage with a microphone but just speaking our mind after the meeting - during that time when people start to air their education or lack of it
Or singing - in a choir or in the shower -
We start small and move outward from the centre of ourselves
I like the idea Sophia and so glad you introduced it - yes - it's a indifferent Monday morning and here is -
There are days that can only get better💫
Dec
Thanks @Sophia1
Sometimes gloomy-natured Mondays can get better
Take it easy right now and let yourself feel the hurt - after all - when it hurts there is one thing we can be sure of - we are alive
I hope it feels easier for you as time passes and I love it that you like what I have written
Dec
