Didn't thinkhi breechedaguidelines, or maybe iedidn't post it, hmm. Hmm, i'll edit & repost. NN I'll come back & answer your 'email' later.
Today i was sitting in the mottled sun on the veranda, normally he only does it for 20-30min but yesterday he stayed out there for 3hrs. Had morning tea there at 1030 then i took out lunch @1pm. In between i was doing my journellling & DEATH thoughts crepe in
"what if he's died out there?" (he is an unwell 84yo)
How streasful that would be & what would i do?
- walk away & have a coffee?
- jump on his chest like i did my girl to bring them back? (couldn't handle that again)
- call the undertaker ?
- the police?
- the ambulance?
- lifeline lol
Nobody talks about this stuff yet old pol die at home all the time.
But then after they cart him away, like my girl... do i follow?
- will the police intwrrigate me like they did my girl?
- do i call for help for me? But who? My family, all of them just make everything harder. Maybe I should just go through the motions & tell them all once the funeral is organised. All that bitchy stress with mum's funeral January - it was just horrible. Craaaaaaazy stuff!
- after I've organised the funeral - maybe i can go then, i don't wanna see them anymore, let them hurt me again.
And if i just get in dad's car alone and drive 1200km to an empty house... not good. Or maybe i can grab a cheap cruise or bus tour and travel / disappear with the money mum left me. Let the vultures do whatever it is they had planned without me (after they shoved dad in a nursing home)...
You know, all their carryon to be dads guardian,,, they couldn't even visit on his birthday last Friday orothe weekend. Didn't come to the RSL with us that night or the next day when i met bro-1 only 10min from sister for lunch. Pathetic bunch!
Dad's gerentologist has advised me to apply to be his legal guardian / poa... but i am lacking confidence. Even though i'm doing everything anyway... I donno. Courts frustrate me & i know the sibs will make my life hell again (all children are to be listed as 'interested parties'
- what if i dont cope?
- does someone with depression... should we do it alone. I want / would prefer joint guardiaship with someone. Someone reasonable that doesnt have an angxt against me.
- Bro-1 has severe MS & his wife dont think he's up to it. Concentration & speech affected now. And he lives 200km away.
- Bro-2 sends horriblw tx msgs, ignores half mine, wouldnt come to dad's birthday or even visit Friday,,. gets aggressive / angry & intimidating & in front of a church friend & hospital staff went off... And he supports my sister who clearly hates me
- sis, whe spent x4hrs ransacking mum's room removing documents... & boxes of things, refusing to tellwme oridad whattshe had, with her hubby's help. Oh, she lied in her guardianahip grab application which failed, I blasted her for all the lies, & refusing to gosjoint guardianowith me - so she also now refuses to interact with me, in any way, since, even at the loss of contact with dad. So bloody stupid!
- bro-3 has pSz on CTO & also gets verbally abusive. He didnt visit dad on his birthday or come to the rsl with us. He smokes dope reg & has physical pain like fibromyalgia all the time, crippling him. He believes its the neighbours shooting him with secret gov supplied lazor beams. Otherwise, apart from calling the police on me fir changing the house locks. Oh, he gambles his money away all tge time but , yeah, he makes sense sometimes.
- bro-4, he says he's cured of hus Sz now and only on oral antidepressants. Hes more sociable nut restless, cant sit long, smokes dope & addicted to otc prescription pain meds.
__________
Enough said, i'm just tired of being the only 'real grownup' in this family.
Sorry i scared you @Former-Member, i am not suicidal, just venting the SI i get sometimes but will split it off into the LE side of the forums perhaps. Carers xan have MH issues too.
@Appleblossom, do you have a comment?
Well, i've said enough and gotta do dad's dinner now, he's a diabetic & has to eat.
Thanks to
@Shaz51 too, & Outlander. Youre all great ❤❤❤
