Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[LHspurs]

Hello, me and my ex boyfriend were dating for a year. Before we made it official we were hanging out and i really saw the good person in him. He is smoking weed (a lot) and he was taking relaxant to feel good. But it was addictive he said that he actaully became addictive to it. So we hangout for 2weeks before he was sent to rehab. At first i was really hurt bc he didnt say anything that he is leaving, i took the courage to ask his dad eventhough we are not really that close, and i respected that he didnt tell me anything aside from his son is just dealing with some personal problems, i didnt know anythinh about depression before i didnt know that it was so serious, when he went out from the rehab, he immediatly texted me and thank me for check up on him. And we starting talking again, we are 4hours away now bc he stayed with his mom. Sometimes he will respond and sometimes not. Then we meet up on chirstmas day and he felt something good about us, and we made it official. I would go to him every two weeks and we enjoyed each others company, so then april, i need to move to florida, our relationship was so secure we talked everyday, he will call me on his break time. Everything seems right, then he came to visit during his birthday and we went to disney and beach. It was so perfect, i never see depression in him. Then, august lastyr we planned that i will be the one to visit again in texas, and he introduced me to his family, i stayed there for 9days, during the first 5days he seemed so happy, then after that i was waiting for him to get off work, he got off early bc he said he was sick, but then we end up drinking that night, the nextday he has a lot of plans like going to this city beach at granbury, but we didnt do anythinh. He was just in his room, he dont have the appetite and the energy to do anything. I was a little upset bc i was like i came to visit and this is what im getting, i didnt know what and dont fully understand what depression is. He was trying to tell me what he is feeling but since idk what is depression i took it for granted the chance that he opening up to me, i gave him the space. Then same day we need to travel going to ftworth, we went to some places but i can see in his eyes that he doesnt really feel like it and he is just doing it for me. Whenever we are in the hotel, he will just lie down in one corner and i will be on the other side we dont talk we dont feel each other. Then there i was scared and i realized that depression is a serious illness, i thought that by seeing that i would leave him, but by seeing that, it made me feel different that i am here for a reason, and it made my love for him grow even stronger, i went home in florida and i carried it with me. I was stressed for a week or so. We continued our long distance relationship but after like 2-3months its getting worse, he dont call me, he dont text everyday, and there came to a point that he wanted to take a break and ended up breaking up with me. I am so confused bc i remember we had a great talk and he said he thinks we have a great chance to be together again, then 2weeks after bc of my own feeling of sadness i said something that he is hurting me and we need to fix it. I asked him if he already move on and he said seems like that, how can u move on that fast? I am putting in my mind that he is only saying that so that i would stop, but then i still keep on reaching out to show my support and almost two months that i dont get any text from him anymore, and just this friday he called out of no where i have a lot of questions to ask but i hold it bc i dont want to ruin the call. He asked me if i am seeing someone new i said no (bc ofcourse i was busy studying his sickness) and i asked back and he said “i talked to two girls, but its not that i did somethinh or i dont even really like themi just text them i guess once and thats it” he said one from work and one that he met at the party. I was happy knowinh he went out bc i dont its too much for him to socialize. But what makes me sad is that, how can he talk to some other girls and cant even text me even once a week? I feel like giving up, but i dont want to, bc i have a strong feeling that we can make it. I dont care if some ppl will look at me as desperate that even he his ignorning me i still try to keep in touch. But know idk what to do. I need some advice on what i should do. I am planning to visit next month for his birthday but im scared that maybe he will not meet me up, i need to talk to him. But he wont give it to me. Please help! Thank you.

[Lauz]

Hi @LHspurs,

Its great that you have reached out. It can be challenging to navigate a relationship when he isn't keeping you involved or aware of what he is feeling. It is good that you have been researching depression to get a better understanding, it is also important to take care of yourself in a relationship equally.

From the mentions of American states in your post, I just wanted to highlight that this is an Australian based forum, so all the support numbers that we can refer you to, will only be Australian based and accessed. 

All the best,

Lauz