Lived Experience Forum

[lovemyboys]

Just need him here today @Ant7

[Ant7]

@lovemyboys Yeah i get that it would be hard 

[soul]

Feeling so sad for you both @lovemyboys@Ant7. I never knew the children I lost as they had not been born yet. Still I imagined them and wondered what sort of personalities they would have had, what they would have looked like.

I can't begin to think how hard it would be to lose a child who had become so much a part of your life. When our parents pass away which both of mine have (my mother just recently) you can justify that it was their time. Children are a whole different matter. 

@lovemyboys - seems like your son made some unwise choices. I guess you can't help but think that maybe there was something you could have done but that thinking won't bring him back and won't help you move forward. He will always be in your heart and he isn't suffering anymore. It will take some more time to get through this debilitating way that you are feeling. Some days will be better than others. Now the issues with your other son are at play as well and that could very well compound how you feel. 

I started on the carer's side too but find myself more on the lived experience side more now. It's okay to flit around a bit. We will find you and offer you comfort and empathy as much as we can and be there to hold your hand or just sit with you when you need it. 

Sending you love and light and soon again some laughter. 

[Shaz51]

I'm so sorry to hear that your son passed away @Ant7

sending you hugs @lovemyboys 

@soul, I can`t have children , I would of love to have had some , but then i became a step mum for 4 children

Yes I started on the carers as my husband has MI , and then my Husband wanted me to ask some qiestions on here , so here i am and i am also here as i was mentally abused when growing up , i have also had depression an epsilipy

[lovemyboys]

@soul we did so much to help him, so so much, and in the final few months poor J my other son had to sacrifice his time to look after the kids while husband and I rushed around to T's appointments and deal with other problems etc. He should of been doing things other 21 year olds were doing, not sitting at home watching his siblings while his friends were out enjoying themselves or missing his sporting commitments to make sure the kids got home from school and fed dinner. I feel bad on both parts, I should of done more for T, even though at the time it felt like I couldn't do more, but then I didn't check on J and see how we felt about it all.

[lovemyboys]

Thank you @Shaz51 ❤️❤️

[soul]

You did what you could at the time @lovemyboys. The outcome makes you think otherwise.  Whenever faced by such a huge tragedy, it's normal to have these tormenting thoughts. So many regrets and what ifs. The guilt, the shame, the sadness.

At the end of the day, you can't change the past. You have to make the most of the present trying to put one foot in front of each other and hopefully build a brighter future. 

Really feeling for you and hoping you can one day find peace within yourself.

[lovemyboys]

Thank you @soul
There is a huge hole in lives and he may not be here to make a beautiful future for himself but we are thinking of him everyday and he is still a part of our lives, always will be of course.

[lovemyboys]

I hate the thought of other families having to make the awful we had to make

[soul]

Of course he will @lovemyboys. That can never change.

And yes, families lives are irrevocably changed in circumstances like that. Very sad. The scourge of drugs - it's a horrible, horrible thing.