Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

@Elin

[Shaz51]

ohh hugs @Elin

[Razzle]

@Former-Member  Thankyou for thinking of me.  I prayed to God every night as a child begging him to help me and to stop what was happening to me.  After a while my prayer changed, I prayed that he would let me die and take me in my sleep, or let the abuser end me instead.  Either way, my prayers were never answered. 

When my 9yo son lay in hospital on life support for 4 days before he died,  I prayed harder than I have ever in my whole life, falling on deaf ears.

I have completely lost all faith.  I know there are others who find comfort in their faith, but by heart has been hardened to the point that there is no solace for me there.

If your faith comforts you, then I’m happy for you, maybe even a little envious, but my view of faith is so scewed and contorted that I’ll never find comfort there again

[Former-Member]

@Elin this christian mental health website was so very helpful to me when my husband had his mental health crisis and his eventual BPii diagnosis. 

https://freshhope.us/about-fresh-hope/

[Elin]

😊

[Elin]

@Former-Member thank you very much for taking the time to send that web address to me. it is much appreciated @Former-Member, thank you. I shall enjoy looking around it. Blessings to you.

[Elin]

Actually I spent a few more minutes to look around it and yes, I believe it is even going to be very helpful for my husband and me in our relationship. Thanks heaps @Former-Member.

[Elin]

All I can do at this moment @Razzle is utter the deepest heartfelt cry of anguish for what you must be feeling. Yes @Former-Member and my faith does help us but everybody has an idividual journey. Nevertheless your suffering is very palpable and real so I extend the deepest sympathy that cold words on a screen can. xox Why God allows suffering is a question asked by even the most ardent of faith believers. One day he will make it clear to us.

[Former-Member]

@RazzleI empathise with you, I read about your journey in life, on the Thread that you started. That's why I so wanted to offer to you, our love, & our support, to you here, in CT.

I am not GOD, & I never try to be a GOD to anybody. I too have lived a long life of abuse, both physical, & mental abuse. I have nite mares, most nights, & I have the scares of the not too long ago past. Yet in amongst it all, the Spirit of The LORD is offering me, a new way, HIS LOVE, & a future. I am sick, & I am hurting, I am alone, & lost all things that I thought I could not live without. Yet, I have life, & the losses, I do live without, if I give up on what I know is real, then I am a true failure. I understand where you are coming from, sincerely, I do. I am not asking you to join in, & I will never bother you in any way.

I am holding out my hand to you, & offering you my friendship, & my care, & my love.  There are Spiritual things that none of us will ever understand, there will always be abuse, & pain, loss, & all other shocking things in this fallen world. Yet in amongst it all, there will always be, Faith, Hope, & Love!Those are the fruits of, GODS HOLY SPIRIT, GOD gives, & GOD takes, for the right reasons. I know 100% that GOD (ABBA Father) is real)  In the midst of my suffering many years ago,

I held up my hands to GOD, while sitting on my bed, all traumatised, broken, & crying.

I called out loud to GOD!! & I said to HIM-  GOD!! if YOU Love me!!

give me a word from YOUR BIBLE!!!

Then, I heard HIM say- Romans 8 v 15,    I did not know hardly any of, The Bible,  so I stopped crying, I grabbed the Bible & I read -

ROMANS 8 v 15

For I, did not give you a spirit of bondage, again to fear. I gave you, The SPIRIT of Adoption, to cry, ABBA FATHER!!

I was stunned, & could not cry anymore, now since that day, GOD has been doing all sorts of things in my life, even Miracles. I am no one special in this world, & I too have lost loved ones, & my respect, & many things that are too long a list to name all. 

GOD is there, HE cares, & HE will help you, me, & all, but we must remember, that this world is broken, & can be very evil. GOD has give all free will, in the world. The choices are always ours, Faith is the opposite of Fear. I choose Faith, & I still have good, & bad days. In the BIG picture of life, each day that we are here is a gift from GOD, the way I see it, now. No one, can steal us of the love in our hearts, unless we choose to give it up. I am sick of being bitter, broken in Spirit, & hurting myself. That's what the abusers wanted for us. I am not going to be like them, & continue what they started. I would rather have FAITH in ABBA Father, & HIS promises.

GOD knows & see's the BIG Picture, & why the losses, HE grieves with us. When we forgive (not agree with) then the chains are broken, & we are no longer a captive to all that abuse, & loss, & life becomes livable.

I do not have all the answers, but I do trust in GODS wisdom, in my life!

I will stop here, as I have a headache & I do hope what I shared maybe of value to you, no pressure, just my love to you!

GOD BLESS!

Bella xo  🙂   <><<

[Former-Member]