Lived Experience Forum

[Vanessa5]

Hi @greenpea

You are not alone. I find the smiling mind app helpful when my thoughts are racing. Its free to download and helps you reset your thoughts when they start to spin out of control. Give it a try it might work for you also.

Other than that you might need to have a look at the medication your on with your psychiatrist. It might need tweaking if you are having extreme highs and lows still. 

[RAVEN1]

 I too have a Bipolar schizoaffective disorder. I have been in need of treatment, medication/therapy for most of my life. This was not always possible and there have been numerous occasions of psychopathy. I regret my actions and resent myself because of them. This may be a trigger for some but years of abuse left me as a schizopath, admitting this has taken courage. I must take medications twice daily and an injection every 2 weeks. I can get real sick at times, fact, fiction and reality become the same; without predictable boundaries. Behaviours such as these are dangerous, and I "die of shame" every time "it" happens (" it "meaning a psychotic episode). The disorder itself is a degenerate disease, I believe, so my memory is very poor short term. Often forgetting moments just seconds past. At other times my long term recall is pitch-perfect. Impulse control is an issue.      So suicidal and reckless behaviours pop up more than I'd like. Homicidal tendencies are not an issue, I've mellowed out in my old age (43 years), though I have dwelt on the issue and violence is , unfortunately, quick at hand and occasionally I lash out with disastrous results. I am maladjusted and inadequate to society and reality and this admission or these facts sadden me greatly.

[RAVEN1]

Hi, green pea. DeeDee2. I have the same feeling of self-loathing and hate of my self. I too think obsessively of taking my life, on occasion I have tried (long story) all to no avail. So I settle self-hatred and self-abuse. Psychiatrists' are hard to find where I reside so next time I end up in hospital I'll remember your post. (Borderline personality disorder).Thanks.

[anonymouse_]

Hi Raven1, mod here - have sent you a private message. Thank you for sharing.

[greenpea]

@RAVEN1  Hey RAVEN1 hugs and hugs. Sorry to hear that life is so tough for you atm. Hoping things improve for you soon. I dont know if you have had much of a chance to have a good look around the forums but we are a friendly bunch here who are more than willing to help out when times are tough.  A few of the threads are Re: Good Morning! A long rave and The Weekly Friday Feast  and there are many more. Remember to be kind to yourself. None of us are perfect and I am always here to talk whenever you need me. Love greenpeaxx

[RAVEN1]

Thank you @greenpea this warm gesture is both welcoming and very cute. Happy me today.