Lived Experience Forum

[Powderfinger]

There is no contact between my mother and I. Hasn't been for a long time now. I don't hear from her and she doesn't hear from me. 

The only time I do is on my birthday. She sends me an e-card to my email address. Other than that I don't hear a word from her ever. 

It was my birthday on Monday ( thanks in advance for the kind thoughts if you want to wish me happy birthday. I ask that you do not. I've moved on. Had a terrible birthday and I'd rather just forget about it) 

I havn't opened the email and I havn't read the card. It's an email address I don't use anymore. I may sign in once every six months, if that. 

I think to myself, what the point anymore of opening and reading it? I just feel empty when I look at it. I think to myself why does she send me one when I never hear from her at any other time. Why does she bother. I find it hard to believe she does it out of love. If she loved me then why wouldn't she get in touch other than once a year on my birthday? 

 Every year she does this it is a reminder of all the pain, hurt, loss, grief. I almost felt tempted to say, you know what just don't send me a card every year anymore and leave the email just at that. 

I didn't though. I didn't because I don't even know if it would cause her pain or not  I have no idea anymore whether she even has any care for me  I've just left it unopened and unread. I don't need this right now with everything I'm already dealing with. 

There's just nothing for me to say in return. I feel empty and non responsive. Just feel completely dead inside myself. 

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @Powderfinger ,

Thank you for posting. I hear you and I know that things are very difficult for you at the moment.

I acknowledge your strength in being able to reach out. 

I hope things will eventually fall into place for you. 

Only last year, while on a family chat, my sister msgd 'Happy Birthday' to me. My mother responded - 'Who's birthday?' - and no, my mother does NOT have dementia or memory loss.

All I can say is, your mother is thinking about you.

Im here if you need a chat.

Hugs, BPDSurvivor 

[MDT]

Hi @Powderfinger @BPDSurvivor

My mum found out that one of her relatives lost a child recently. She found this out via facebook. No one told her anything.

Family can be hard cant it.

Youre both in my thoughts and i also want to say its always good to see both of you around the forums 🙂

[Owen45]

Thanks for sharing, a lot of pain.  I lost my mother after 3 years as a dementia carer, very stressful and sad. 

[Historylover]

@Powderfinger I am truly sorry that you are going through such a tough time. I could say 'lately' but it seems to be ongoing. You must be feeling frazzled.

I am sorry, also, that you have such a painful relationship with your mother. We only get one set of parents and sibs, and those relationships can be so destructive. How I wish it wasn't so. I can feel your hurt. Your mother thought of you on your birthday. That tells me that she thinks of you at other times, too. Don't think otherwise. To be honest, I think you think of her too. It's difficult not to. Family are part of who we are. Perhaps you wish it all wasn't so difficult and so painful. I don't know what has happened between you. I truly wish I could make it better. I don't have a relationship with my daughters and it hurts. I miss them so much. I don't know how to fix it either. 

If you want to reply, please be kind. I'm very low at the moment.

I send my best wishes to you, @Powderfinger. Be kind to yourself. 😊

[Maritza]

Hello, my name is Mara, I have a 24 year old daughter, I lost my husband to suicide when my daughter was 3, I guess I took it out on my baby with unkind behaviour, but during the past 5 years I have been doing everything for her, she has decided not to converse with me via voice, but being her Mother I know our Love will never fade and no man can replace this amazing connection, you are a gift to your Mum, please don't give up on her, I will pray that God will give you peace, Godbless you.

[BlueBay]

Hey @Powderfinger 

I feel for you and I'm sorry your mum is treating you like this. 
my parents stopped talking to me for 4 years after telling them if my childhood abuse. It was my dads birthday so I posted a card and present. It got sent back to me. Boy was I hurt and I'll never forget how my mum treated me. 

I can't understand why parents have to be like this because the pain on their children is horribly painful. 

sending you lots of hugs 

ps. Happy belated birthday xxxooo

[BPDSurvivor]

I would have felt guttered @BlueBay . I don't think I could cope with such rejection. You are one mighty strong person @BlueBay ! I admire your resilience and strength!

And @Maritza , thank you for sharing your story. I appreciate your post immensely. It must be so difficult, yet you can still reach out to others. Thank you.

[BlueBay]

Thanks @BPDSurvivor i was guttered for a very long time. I'm pretty sure it was my mum's doing. I could never see my dad doing something so horrible. 
I was hospitalised a few times over the four years while not talking or seeing my dad. 

[Powderfinger]

@Owen45 

All I can say is I give you a big hug. Words are hard for me at the moment.