Lived Experience Forum

[Snoopy56]

Murphy's Law has plagued me entire life.  What can go wrong has gone wrong!  I am trying to manage my BPD but it's just getting too hard.  Imagine having your volunteer job at risk all because they can't or won't understand BPD.  They thought I was neurotypical, they had no idea until I started to struggle at work with people, procedures and rules.  They never noticed my perfectionism behaviour, my over sensitive nature, my crying.  I admit I was starting to lose my temper but I have never hurt anyone but myself.  I have tried to find a Mental Health Support Worker, they don't exist.  It's impossible to make friends when you are terrified of being rejected.  What can I do to change things and give Murphy the boot?

[MDT]

HI @Snoopy56
I'm sorry to hear you are finding things hard

What's been happening for you? You mentioned your volunteer job and also how you want to make friends. I imagine you've been in a lockdown too?


@Former-Member may have some ideas on services that could be helpful

[NatureLover]

@Snoopy56  I'm sorry to hear your volunteer job is at risk 😞

Do you have a psychologist you can talk this through with and get some helping strategies from? 

I will tag @BPDSurvivor in case they can help...

[BPDSurvivor]

Thanks for the tag @NatureLover !

 Hi @Snoopy56 , I can absolutely resonate with what you are saying. People just DONT UNDERSTAND!

Have you ever considered that if pwBPD lived alone on an island, no one will ever know they had a problem? PwBPD face significant challenges in the face of inter and intra personal relationships. And is what I'm hearing from your post. 

For me, it took a long time of intense psychotherapy to get to the place I am now. It has made a huge difference to my life. And it was certainly very hard work. It felt like I had to do everything that was against my nature so that I could retrain my brain.

We had a bit of a discussion last night about it LIVE CHAT: BPD for Friends, Family and Carers - This Sunday 3rd October 7:00-8:30pm AEDT 

Also, have a browse through Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script 

I hope you'll find some comfort to not only know you are not alone, but to know that recovery is very possible.

I'll check in with you later today.

BPDSurvivor

[Snoopy56]

No, I am not in Lockdown.  Yes, I wish I had a friend.  Just one friend who liked me no matter what and visa versa.   My volunteer job is like walking on egg shells with staff and other volunteers.  

[Snoopy56]

I too have spent a lot of time doing DBT, ACT, psychodynamic therapy for two years weekly and yet I still have trouble managing my BPD specially when it comes to trust, respect, rejection and my other traits.  I lost my paid job because of my BPD so to find I am struggling to keep a volunteer job is heartbreaking.

[Snoopy56]

I had a fantastic psychologist until February this year when she went on maternity leave.  The locum psychologist was more interested in getting paid than helping me.  I haven't had one since mid May 2021.  Finding another one is too hard and the waiting period can be as long as 3 to 4 months if I was lucky.

[Appleblossom]

Hope you get a little sense of connection here @Snoopy56 

It usually takes a little time.

People can be tricky at work and all over.

Some of the trickiest people have never done work on themselves.  Sad but true.

Take Care 

Apple

[Snoopy56]

Thanks but I will always feel like I don't belong, that I am looking in from outside.

[NatureLover]

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@Snoopy56 wrote:

I had a fantastic psychologist until February this year when she went on maternity leave.  The locum psychologist was more interested in getting paid than helping me.  I haven't had one since mid May 2021.  Finding another one is too hard and the waiting period can be as long as 3 to 4 months if I was lucky.

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@Snoopy56  Sadly I agree that waiting to get into a new psychologist is long and hard.

But is your psychologist who's on maternity leave coming back to work soon? So you could maybe resume with her when she does?

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply. 🙂