Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[outlander]

Hello @johnc and welcome

[Corny]

Thank you @outlander for your encouragement. 

Yes I am lucky with my Dr, I don't take it for granted and I hope to start running again soon. 

I agree it is very hard to watch people suffering and in pain, and to feel helpless. Nothing realy helps with that. 

Hope your Pop is well. My grandparents were the head of our family, and very influential in my up-brining, it's sad watching them become frail.

Take care

Corn Crispy

[Corny]

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope

I think I may have read some of one of your threads, or maybe I have you mixed up......but you certainly have your hands full. 

Hope you're doing Ok

Corn Dog

[Corny]

Hi @Former-Member

I didn't realise that I linked an Art Thread....I'm so silly, it must have been an accident because I have no idea what I am doing.

I understand what you mean by being drawn to material that somewhat reflects what you have been through. I most definitely have gone through periods of that, intense periods where it's bordered on an unhealthy obsession.....I think loneliness adds to that. You feel no-one understands, and really they don't, even those closest to you......but my most recent breakdown made me change how I was living, and I don't do it anymore......every now and then I slip up and will look at an online news website.....but I have had to simplify just about every aspect of my life. I have cut back majorly on all things Internet. I have no free to air television in my apartment, only on line and I don't often use it, maybe once a week. If I'm in Mums car and the news comes on, I switch it off immediately. I never leave the house without my noise cancelling ear phones......I am not quite a Bubble Boy, but my physical symptoms are just so easily set off I can't afford to engage.

In some ways that makes me feel more isolated, but there was no other way I can give my body a break. It makes me sad that some days I feel so diminished and that he's in control.....but I have not choice. I guess that what I meant by feeling like a biological wasteland.....the most basic tasks can set off a cascade of arousal I have no hope of reigning in.....it's so awful. 

I hope that your appointment goes well this week. I understand how you come to rely on them, I do too. I thought that maybe one day I could go without it, but I know that is just the shame talking, and me lamely hoping that I will heal one day from this medical condition. I have to keep this medical support forever unfortunately.

Anyways enjoy your evening! I hope you get some good Z's

Corny

[Shaz51]

hello @Corny, @johnc

Hello @outlander, @Former-Member, @Faith-and-Hope

[outlander]

Thanks @Corny
Hoping your going ok 💓

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks @Corny .... 💐💕

[Daughterdid]

Thank you for being so honest, Corny. Beautifully written.

I know first-hand the feeling of looking at others and seeing how free they are. Knowing that most people have no idea how free they are, how much they take for granted. I can't imagine what it must have been like to have been raised by happy, loving parents. 

I know what it's like to have this terrible secret, that people know about but is still a secret, and how it eats away at any small bit of happiness you find. But I also know that talking about it, like you're talking about it to us, is a step towards freedom; if not on the outside then within. And freedom on the inside makes imprisonment bearable.

There is an out. It's something you do for yourself. It makes up for years of abuse by filling your days in place of the memories, but yeah, it's a slow process. I appreciate having people like you to walk alongside. Keep writing, keep releasing.

[Daughterdid]

I also have had to get off the Internet. I've withdrawn from everyone. Sometimes that's needed. 🙂