not feeling good

[BlueBay]

Thsnkyou sis @Shaz51

im struggling tiday really bad. I wish my life was nit like this full of depression dark clouds. The hurt us so much I can’t evfn write how bad the hurt is. 

My ribs are so sore even my back. Every time I cough or blow my nose it hurts. 

I love when you’re here for me even though you have so much on your plate. I’m sorry. 

❤️❤️

[Shaz51]

don`t be sorry my sis @BlueBay, I love being here for you

[BlueBay]

I can’t even cry without it been a problem. Hubby thinks there has to be a problem fir me to cry. 

I know my dad is really sick but I don’t want him to die. I csnt losr him yet. 

I’m crying my depression is bad. My doctor didn’t phone. He prob doesn’t care. 

Oh well. 

I can’t live like this. My emotions are up agsin @Zoe7@Shaz51@Former-Member

@Faith-and-Hope 

sitting kn my own trying to breathe slow 

[Shaz51]

breathe my sister @BlueBay, think of somewhere nice , us your friends sitting with you on the beach or on the side of a river xxxxx

[BlueBay]

@Shaz51 That image is a nice image. So calming. Thanks for reminding me xx

[Shaz51]

It is soon nice sitting with you @BlueBay with out feet in the water , ahhh 

[BlueBay]

Hey @Shaz51@Former-Member@Zoe7

@Faith-and-Hope

my doctor just called. He is very concerned about my mental health. He doesn’t want me to go to hospital so he said he wants to see me weekly fir a few weeks snd will bulk bill me. I told him I’m really bad atm he agreed. He wants to htlp me get better. 

He wants to tell him that I’m walking daily. 

He is the best doctor I’ve ever had. I still don’t kniw why he has so much faith in me. Why does he bother? 

[Shaz51]

Because he cares for you like us my sister @BlueBay xx

[BlueBay]

Think I’ll go to bed. I’m crying don’t know why. 

Dverything is getting to me. Keep thinking of the past 8 yrs:-

Remembered my childhood abuse

saw a psych

Diagnosed depression BPD anxiety and complex ptsd

start medication 

more therapy 

changed psychs and psychologist 

more talking therapy 

dark thiughts suicude thiughts sh

msny hospital admissions 

CAT team meetings 

I’m over all of this. I csnt do this therapy tslk, medications anymore. I want to stop my meds. I want to sh so I can feel the pain. 

Ive lost 8 yrs of my life. Where’s it gone. I’ve spent thousands of dollars fir what 

I’m nit normal anymore 

I have an illness a mental illness 

that people around me don’t understand 

it doesn’t matter anymore 

I’m crying because it’s all gone. I csnt get back the time I’ve lost. The money I’ve lost eith therspy. 

Im going away I can’t stop crying. 

[outlander]

@BlueBay 💙 💛 💚