Lived Experience Forum

[Peri]

Dear @Former-Member ,

 are you all moved now?  I have been thinking of you and how stressful it all can be.

i do hope that the worst is over and that you feel you can settle

peri

[Former-Member]

Hi @Peri, thanks for thinking of me. Its been a crazy hectic week... feels like a month since removalist came last Tuesday. Took me X5 more days staying back to finish tossing and cleaning, sleeping on the van mattress on the floor. Neighbours did well by my departure re giveaways to lighten the load.
I crossed the Qld boarder Friday (under exemption "taking up permanent residency" ) Bit of a roadtrip to spend three days with my fav Aunt on the south coast, and left my mum's ashes with her, (mum's younger sister & my cousins rather than bringing hem over the boarder). 10hrs out of my way but important I feel, I don't trust any of my siblings or uncles with this responsibility. My aunt placed them up in her walk-in wardrobe beside her hubby's (who died the same year), we cracked a little joke about putting them next to each other - she said "they'll be fine, xxx he'll put her in her place lol". There's something therapeutic about having someone close to reflect and even giggle over memories of lost loved ones.
This is my 4th day in new home. Only been out to fill scripts but my son has visited o/n. We had a family tradition fish+chip movie night, at his request. So good to see him.
I've just emailed my psychologist and case manager that I have moved interstate and Jo longer quality for NSW Health Care funding 😟 which is sad, but SI is gone and I've made a huge positive life change 🙏🤞🙏
Oh gosh, think I'm under a flight path, another low flying small plane just flew over drowning out the tv :face_with_rolling_eyes:😒 There is a small plane airport close.
How are you going?

[Zoe7]

Checking in with you @Former-Member to see how the last couple of days have been now you have had a chance to settle in a bit more. Love you having Eeyore back as your avtar btw 

[Adge]

Hi @Former-Member I'm thinking of you, whilst I've been unable to write (post) on Forums.

I like this one - maybe you do too....

[Adge]

Hi @Former-Member I just re-read a previous post from you - from when I had just lost my Job (it's now 8 weeks already).

Thanks, that was really helpful - Put a "Smile on my Dial" (it did).

Especially your saying that "Enjoyment is overrated" (funny but True).

& about Dissociation (when stressed/ grieving/ or in shock) being "Not surprising" - that is comforting & helps to remind me to be gentle with myself.

I keep forgetting that 20 years or more of on-going (long-term) Trauma, resulting in Complex PTSD - means that dissociation is not something that I can just "Snap Out Of" (Break Habit/ Not do).

I'm at the Severe end of Trauma spectrum (according to Psych) - I keep on forgetting that too.

Remember to be Gentle with myself...

Hopefully you are doing that too (be gentle with yourself) @Former-Member 

Yes, I need to come up with some more (small manageable) projects to work on.

Adge

[Former-Member]

Hi @Zoe7  - yeah thanks, my last post here pretty much sums up where I'm at still. Kinda ground to a Holt though, no energy, not good, gotta watch thoughts (like 'ive made a big mistake' and flashbacks of my girl not helping... like something she said to me that last year "am I too much trouble for you" ...  cauhow fawful that  sei gave Ihe that feeling, do depressed art, no support... no excuse... could that have killed her? I'll never know, but I still feel guilty and wantvo 'fix' it, but cant, and it eats me up... ... Just feels like a  kinda death sentence for me, and I'm waiting on death-row... 😢  Probably being back on old  turf a trigger, lots of sirens this morning didn't help. I'm very flat sorry,  need to catch-up on posts, how you guys are all going... feel disconnected and  got really lazy 

Shouldbe making masks or something :face_with_rolling_eyes:

Oh, you might be interested, i found a roadside pickup tall pine chest of dawers I wanna turn into a writing desk... but its  stored in garage while I finish unpacking. Got a very full 3x3 storage unit here to empty first 😣. Oh dear, its  all too much, and my bones hurt... and this "being kind to myself" business isn't getting much done... Hope you're ok 🦋😇👍

@Adge  - how? ya doing? Can't believe it's 8wks for you re job, wow. Thanks for affirming some of my posts, it's good to know I still have something to offer the world, nice ppl like you. 

I Got the shivers this am, need my hot cup of tea ☕

[Former-Member]

:face_with_rolling_eyes:

[Former-Member]

[Zoe7]

Oh @Former-Member I can hear the pain in your words about your D  It is hard but you are not in any way responsible for what happened to your D Hon. The 'what ifs' and questioning of things she said are painful to think about but none of that will change anything. Keep the love you had (have) for her alive in the memories of her - you cannot bring her back but you can keep her alive in your heart my thinking of her often (as I am sure you do) and celebrating all the joy she brought you. 

There will undoubtedly be an ajustment and settling in period for you in your new home but think of the positives - especially your son being closer and building up that relationship again. It is something you have longed for and hoped would come again some day - and that is happening so that is a real positive in your move closer to him.

I hear being bavk on old turf and those sirens are triggers for you EOR so happy to have listening eyes here if you need to talk that out. It is hard having to relive old hurts and have old feelings resurface but you are a resilient person - and you can get through this - once you have settled in a bit more I hope the positives will help you deal with all those thoughts a bit better.

I love that you have a new project to get stuck into once you are unpacked and settle in a bit more. Moving is such an emotional rollercoaster Hon so give yourself that time to unpack and get settled in then get stuck into your project. I remember how proud of yourself you were when you finished the last set of drawers so I hope you find that within yourself again with this new project. Yes 'being kind to yourself' is important but also takes practice - keep up the self-care as you unpack and settle in ...there is no doubt a lot for you to do - and you have made a massive move - so recognise that as you move forward because that in itself was not only a brave decision but one that can zap your energy. I believe it was meant to be for you so celebrate both your bravery in making that decision and your strength to go through with the move ....I personally am very impressed that you have done this and super happy for you that your son is so close again.

Hugs and hugs and hugs EOR 💖💖💖

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Zoe7 that's a lovely reply 🦋😇👍 tomorrow's another day 💙
Hope you get some restful days in the hols 💙